Feb 28, 2010

AFR

The time has come to point out all the Asshole Fuckfaces in the world, again.

Let's start with some Maryland Asshole Fuckfacery.

A 13-year-old girl, who we will call "female student," decided she didn't not want to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance at her Germantown middle school. That's like spitting in the eye of Jesus America, so the teacher took her outside the class and threatened her with detention if she did it again. But she was all into freedom and shit.
The next day, when the student again refused to stand for the pledge, the teacher called school officers to remove her from the classroom and take her to the counselor's office once again.

By "school officers," they mean "school police," aka, The Man. Honestly, the girl should have been shot.

But, hey, at least the dudes in charge of the school saw it for what it was.

"When the student’s mother reached out to an assistant principal for help in dealing with the teacher’s abusive and improper actions, the official said her daughter should instead apologize for her 'defiance.' The student did apologize, twice," the ACLU states.

Apologize to the fucking flag, you heathen! You just killed the United States of Christ.

The right to sit silently during the Pledge of Allegiance has been held up by the US Supreme Court and is enshrined in Maryland state law and Mongtomery County Public Schools' own policies, reports the Washington Post.

They should apologize, too. Supreme Court of Bitches.

Next up, some Arizona Asshole Fuckfacery.

Oh, sweet Jesus, do I love it when a white man explains the suffering of black people. Representative Trent Franks (R-AZ) recently stepped up to the Asshole Fuckface plate and knocked one out of the park.

It seems like humanity is very gifted at hiding from something that's obviously true. I mean in this country we had slavery for God knows how long.

And many of us try to pretend it never happened and the lasting effect it has on African Americans. Right?

And now we look back on it and we say, 'Well how blind were they, what was the matter with them, you know, I can't believe, I mean four million, this is incredible. And we're right. We're right, we should look back on that with criticism. It is a crushing mark on America's soul.

See, sometimes the left and right can look at something and agree.

And yet today, half of all black children are aborted. Half of all black children are aborted.

Oh. Um. That's a different subject.

Far more black children, far more of the African-American community is being devastated by the policies of today, than were being devastated by the policies of slavery.

That's a great point if you put a pile of shit where you normally keep your brain. But I agree that we should make aborted fetuses into slaves.

Next up, a little TSA fuckfacery.

If you're like me, you're tired of not seeing the handicapped crawl through security at airports. Dump them out of their fucking wheel chairs. Do you know how many weapons they could have stashed away in the fucker?

Ryan was taking his first flight, to Walt Disney World, for his fourth birthday.

The boy is developmentally delayed, one of the effects of being born 16 weeks prematurely. His ankles are malformed and his legs have low muscle tone. In March he was just starting to walk.


Sounds like a filthy criminal, or a terrorist, or a criminal terrorist.


The alarm went off.

The screener told them to take off the boy's braces.


Lose the weapon, you four-year-old son of a bitch.


"I told them he can't walk without them on his own," Bob Thomas said.

"He said, 'He'll need to take them off.' "


Only terrorists can't walk.


Ryan's mother offered to walk him through the detector after they removed the braces, which are custom-made of metal and hardened plastic.

No, the screener replied. The boy had to walk on his own.


It's called "America" not "Lay About."


They complied, and Leona went first, followed by Ryan, followed by Bob, so the boy wouldn't be hurt if he fell. Ryan made it through.

By then, Bob Thomas was furious. He demanded to see a supervisor. The supervisor asked what was wrong.

"I told him, 'This is overkill. He's 4 years old. I don't think he's a terrorist.' "

The supervisor replied, "You know why we're doing this," Thomas said.


Yeah, because you're Asshole Fuckfaces. Nice work. Next up, making quadriplegics drag themselves through using only their tongues.

Feb 26, 2010

Jay Leno Returns on Monday

My God, The Democrats are Pathetic

I'm always amazed at how cowardly and lame our Congressional Democrats turn out to be when faced with any sort of problem. Today was an exceptional situation. They were literally faced with a villain. The perfect foil to make themselves look like knights in shining armor.

Senator Bunning of Kentucky was blocking an extension of unemployment and COBRA benefits in the middle of a horrible recession.

Retiring Sen. Jim Bunning (R-Ky.) late Thursday launched a one-man crusade to block an extension of unemployment and COBRA insurance benefits, vowing to allow the benefit programs to expire Sunday unless Democrats agreed to pay for them with unused stimulus funds.

Bunning’s quixotic pursuit of deficit offsets at the potential expense of payments to unemployed or uninsured citizens enraged Majority Whip Dick Durbin (D-Ill.) and other Democrats, who vowed to keep the chamber in session until Bunning relents or collapses.


Why would cranky Old Bunning do such a thing? Well, he's got a great reason.

Mr. Bunning complained he had been ambushed by the Democrats and was forced to miss the Kentucky-South Carolina basketball game. He said Democrats caused their own problems by dropping the program extensions from an earlier bipartisan jobs measure.

Fair enough. Hundreds of thousands should suffer because Grandpa Old missed a basketball game.

Thankfully, Democrats were digging in their heels. They weren't going to allow this travesty to occur on their watch!

A senior Democratic leadership aide said Durbin would ask for unanimous consent to pass the extensions without Bunning’s payment scheme every half hour for the foreseeable future. “We’re going to keep doing it until we break him,” the aide said.

Hell, yeah! Break the fucker! You can't have a better set up of Republican bullshit. This is the best set up ever!

Then it started to happen! He started to break late in the evening!

And when Sen. Jeff Merkley (D-Ore.) begged him to drop his objection, Politico reports, Bunning replied: "Tough shit."

The Old Man is getting cranky, losing it. Push on! Break him!

And then Democrats adjourned for the evening and allowed Bunning to go home, get some rest, so he could return in the morning refreshed to continue his heinous act.

And he did.

And then they went home for the weekend.

Americans lose again because the Democrats have no idea what in the fuck they are doing.

Feb 24, 2010

Enjoy Your "Health Care" Summit

· Sen. Max Baucus (D-MT), who has received over $2.5 million in contributions, $777,113 from the pharmaceutical/health products sector alone;

· Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY), who has received over $2.2 million, $802,500 of which came from doctors, other medical professionals and their trade associations;

· Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA), who has received nearly $2 million, $483,750 of which came from the insurance, HMO and health services industries;

· Rep. Charles Rangel (D-NY), who has received almost $1.9 million, $572,237 of which was contributed by hospitals and nursing homes; and

· Rep. Steny Hoyer (D-MD), who has received over $1.8 million, and like Sen. McConnell, received a large portion of that -- $709,261 -- from health professionals.
Four other participants, Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX), Rep. John Boehner (R-OH), Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV) and Sen. John Kyl (R-AZ), each have received over $1.6 million from the industry.

This should work out great!!!

Feb 23, 2010

Double Secret Protest

You didn't hear about this one. Mostly because it wasn't a bunch of right wing idiots screaming about taxes and carrying racist signs. Nope. This was just 1000's people marching across the Brooklyn Bridge to to headquarters of WellPoint, where they demanded a public option.

Gotta love our media.

Oh So Many Ways


This genius was at the CPAC convention. He obviously loves empty slogans and he is daring me to take his gun blanket. Last I checked, gun blankets do not shoot. There are many, many ways to "come and take it."

1) I could just walk up and rip it down (it's not a gun - it's a blanky). Then I'd probably have a fist fight with him, which wouldn't be so bad because he looks like someone who gets his ass kicked a lot.

2) I could approach with a shiv, stick in in his side around kidney level, watch him drop to the ground and then take the blanket down.

3) I could saunter up, scream "Monkey" and point in another direction, then rip down the blanket and run off.

4) Just punch him in the face. Walk up, slam my fist into his barely-bearded I wanna be a Reservoir Dog face and grab the blanket.

5) Set him on fire. Drastic. A bit much, but highly effective. As long as his "gun" doesn't catch on fire, it's mine.

6) Shoot him in the face. What's he going to do? Defend himself with his gun blanket? Doubtful.

Obama Goes For Dumberer

How do we afford health care reform? Taxes, you say? No!! Tax cuts!!!

The President's [cough] Option" -- sorry, "Proposal" -- makes insurance more affordable by providing the largest middle class tax cut for health care in history, reducing premium costs for tens of millions of families and small business owners who are priced out of coverage today. This helps over 31 million Americans afford health care who do not get it today – and makes coverage more affordable for many more.

Because we are all now financially challenged Republican idiots.

No, You Can't Afford Government Health Care

Feb 22, 2010

Wow

I am continually amazed at how ridiculous Andrew Breitbart is. The guy is the angriest clown on the face of the Earth and I look forward to the day a blood vessel bursts in his rage skull. I enjoyed this entire video but Breitbart in the last two minutes is spectacular.

Now Please Shut Your No New Taxes Hole


Then shut your "Obama's deficit" hole.

Feb 18, 2010

Palin Out Tarded

Oh. My. God.

The latest twist in the important controversy of Family Guy making fun of Trig Palin: An actress with Down syndrome said Sarah Palin "does not have a sense of humor." She was in the offending episode.

Andrea Fay Friedman played the girl with Down syndrome Chris dated in the episode.

Then she slams Governor Quitter.

I guess former Governor Palin does not have a sense of humor. I thought the line "I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska" was very funny. I think the word is "sarcasm."

In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life. My mother did not carry me around under her arm like a loaf of French bread the way former Governor Palin carries her son Trig around looking for sympathy and votes.


Um. You just got your ass handed to you by a woman who has downs syndrome.

Olbermann v. Chipmunk



Link

Dude Angry At Obama For Not Being an Idiot

Obama's headed to Vegas. Not to fuck and kill hookers and do blow in Ceasars, like the rest of us, but for a town hall meeting. But the Vegas mayor no likey.

Las Vegas's mayor refused an invitation to meet with Obama when he arrives in town, FoxNews.com has confirmed.

"I've got other things to do quite frankly for my constituents here in Las Vegas who rely on me to do the right thing as a mayor," Mayor Oscar Goodman told KTNV Action News.


Hell yeah! Meeting with the president of the United States can do you no good as a mayor of a major city. Telling him your needs and wants can only lead to a nightmare. He must have a good reason for the pouty pouty.


Goodman is still smarting from comments Obama made suggesting that people saving money for college shouldn't blow in it Las Vegas.

Wow. Obama is such a dick. A good president would have told people to forget about college and head to Vegas to try to get rich quick, then fail and end up selling your body to fat, disgusting business men.

We live in the dumbest nation on Earth.

Feb 17, 2010

Different Asian People! We Win!

Good news!

China reduced its stake and lost the position it's held for more than a year as the largest foreign holder of Treasury debt. Japan retook the top spot as it boosted its Treasury holdings.

Suck it, China!

So, we just bomb Japan again and we're square.

But other economists saw the decline as a warning signal. They fear that foreigners, especially the Chinese, have begun to worry about record-high U.S. budget deficits and are looking to diversify their holdings.

Whatever.

Yay! Japan!

Feb 16, 2010

Bestest Candidate Nominee!

Oh, we have a front runner. Meet George Hutchins. He's a Republican Conservative, which is different from all them Republican Liberals running around.

What is George fighting for?

The LEGAL WAR TO FIGHT FOR U.S. SENIOR CITIZEN RIGHTS

Please. We need someone to fight the legal war instead of the illegal war for senior citizen rights.

And George will CREATE MORE BETTER PAYING JOBS THROUGH DEREGULATION!

As an American I WANT more better paying jobs. And the only way to do that is to stop regulation. My God, can't we just go back to the days when kids worked in coal mines?!!?

And George will FIGHT OBAMA NATION - IMPEACHMENT

It's about time. The guy has committed so many impeachable offenses it is astounding. And he's black!

George will also WIN THE CULTURE WAR. END GAY MARRIAGE. STOP TERRORISTS. FAKE REPUBLICANS.

I agree with all of those - even though I don't know what "Fake Republicans" means. And I don't know when stopping terrorists because part of the culture war but I love it!



Let's get some Hutch up in this bitch!

Maybe The Worst Tatoo I've Ever Seen



He's gone all Charles Manson on us. And yet, still, no prosecution in sight for the blatant criminal.

It's About Fucking Time

Finally, a movie about the real dangers we face.



Sharktopus. Half shark, half octopus, all...all...something.

The Internet is all atwitter because Karen O'Hara, the director of original movies at Syfy, has announced via Twitter a greenlight for the long gestating Sharktopus!. Legendary director Roger Corman is a natural for the project because he's already given us Supergator, Dinocroc, and Dinoshark.

We can hope again.

Feb 15, 2010

I Must Have Skipped The News This Day

I don't remember this happening but here's a historical document to prove it was a real event.

AFR

It’s been six months and some change since the last Asshole Fuckface Roundup made it’s way onto the Suicide Girls website. And here we are, staring another one in the face. My God, what happened over those six months? How many Asshole Fuckfaces ran about committing heinous acts? What have I done? They will now fear me again because the Roundup is back. So, let’s take a look at some recent Asshole Fuckfaces, shall we?

Let’s start with some down under Fuckfacing.

The good folks at All Hallows Parish Church in Sydney thought they had a terrific priest on their hands when Father Richard Abourjaily was ordained last year. They loved him!

His enthusiasm won over the young people at All Hallows. He still features prominently on the Youth Alive Facebook page as "the one and only Fr Rich … he is busy promoting World Youth Day among us and is really cool."

So cool. But then the cancer came.

Distressed parishioners rallied to support Father Abourjaily when they heard he had prostate cancer and was looking for a religious miracle to beat the illness.

Damn. Just another poor 29-year-old guy with prostate cancer. Thankfully, his flock rallied to help him. They gave donations to pay for his trip to France for a miracle cure. France. Where they make wine and shit. And he was cured! Mostly because he never had cancer!

Distressed parishioners rallied to support Father Abourjaily when they heard he had prostate cancer and was looking for a religious miracle to beat the illness.

Mrs Biazzo said: "It was a bit of a shock to me that he wasn't really that ill at all. Everyone was a little bit upset when they found he was lying."

Did I say “prostate cancer?” I meant “prancer.” My bad.

All Hallows parish priest Father Bob Hayes broke the news of Father Abourjaily's deception at Sunday Mass a few weeks ago and apologized to the congregation.

And…uh….don’t forget to donate this week. Oh, and don’t fuck Father Aboujaily.

Privately, he has confided that the prostate cancer rumor snowballed because he was too embarrassed to admit he had a prostate problem that could be mistakenly linked to a sexually transmitted disease.

Yeah. Um. Not helping.

Next up, some cop fuckfacery.

Joshua Gines is a rare breed of Washington state cop. He always tells the truth, no matter what the situation is. Grines was looking to switch from the Bingen-White Salmon police force to the Skamania County Sheriff’s Department. Then came the written interview.

"have you committed any sexual crime with a child who is under the age of 18 years?"

“Yes.”

I meant “no.” Wait. Can I take it again? Hello? I wasn’t thinking when I WROTE “yes.” When I WROTE IT. ON A PIECE OF PAPER. FOR THE SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT.

A Bingen-White Salmon, Wash., Police Officer appeared in Skamania County Superior Court on Monday on accusations of first-degree child molestation.


Officer Joshua Gines, a three-year veteran with the force, was arrested Friday after an investigation.

May I please have that piece of paper back? Please.

Finally, some insane conservative Fuckfacery.

When having a conversation about what Ronald Reagan would have thought about Sarah Palin, it’s best to go to those who know him best: His son and a crazy, right-wing blogger.

Reagan: Well, indeed, and I think we do have to pay attention to her, unfortunately -- it's sad that we have to pay attention to her, because she's totally unqualified for high office. Yet --

Geller: Your father would love her. Your father would love her.

She knows this because she spent so much time not with Ronald Reagan.

Behar: Ron, Ron -- no, I want to hear from Ron. Why would your father not like this woman?

Reagan: Because she doesn't have a thought in her head. That's why.

Geller: That's what they said about your father.

That’s not really a great comparison to use.

Reagan: My father knew what he stood for, you can agree with it or disagree with it, he knew how -- what he stood for, he could explain what he stood for. He was conversant in domestic and foreign policy -- she's neither! She can't explain where she stands on anything!

Geller: Your father would love her, and frankly I don't think you can speak for your father, because you -- you don't even espouse --

You are only spawn. I am blogger!

Reagan: Is Pam still blathering about me and my father? Oh, you are. You still haven't met him, though, right? You still didn't know him, so you're just sort of making things up as you go along, right?

Geller: You never met him either. You know, you never met him either. Do you think you're making your father proud? Do you really think you're making your father proud?

Seriously. You never met him AND he’s not proud of you. Think about it while I go and rub my naked body on his tomb.

Feb 12, 2010

The Census Used To Be So Much Better

Back in the 1800's, they knew what they were doing.
Census day was June 1, 1840. Free whites were classified the same way as in the 1830 census; however, those who were considered blind, deaf, dumb, an idiot or insane were noted and these were broken down by gender and age and listed by name.
I think we should go back to counting idiots.

Feb 10, 2010

Our Future War With Pakistan Report #460


I haven't covered this one for a while, but we remain on the forward path to a future war with Pakistan. It will be one of our making. Our actions will slowly destabilize the country and create enough anger for an extremist Muslim group to take control, then we will go to war. It's so predictable, it's almost boring.

This week, 3 American soldiers were killed in Pakistan. That's right, motherfuckers, IN Pakistan.
Three US special forces soldiers were killed in northwest Pakistan this week, confirming that the US military is more deeply engaged on the ground in Pakistan than previously acknowledged by the White House and Pentagon. The soldiers died Wednesday in Lower Dir when their convoy was hit by a car bomber in what appeared to be a targeted strike against the Americans. According to CENTCOM, the US soldiers were in the country on a mission to train the Pakistani Frontier Corps, a federal paramilitary force run by Pakistan's Interior Ministry that patrols the country's volatile border with Afghanistan.
Weeeeeeee.

Leaders in Pakistan have been vehemently denying claims started by a religious leader that security company Xe, formerly Blackwater, has thousands of contractors working in the nation’s capital of Islamabad. Maulana Fazal-ur-Rahman, leader of Jamiat Ulema-e-Islam, a Deobandi political party, has said there are as many as 9,000 Xe contractors working in Islamabad, which would outnumber the 7,000 local police in the capital, if his assertion proves accurate.

Interior Minister Rehman Malik has denied there are any Xe security guards in Islamabad, or that they have been hired to protect the president and prime minister.
However, in an interview with Pakistan’s Express TV in January, U.S. Secretary of Defense Roberts Gates appeared to confirm the presence of Xe, as well as contract employees from DynCorp. According to a transcript issued by the U.S. Department of Defense, when asked about subject, Gates replied, “Well, they're operating as individual companies here in Pakistan. In Afghanistan and in Iraq, because they are theaters of war involving the United States, there are rules concerning the contracting companies. If they're contracting with us or with the State Department here in Pakistan, then there are very clear rules set forth by the State Department and by ourselves.”
Oh, good. Blackwater has to follow "rules."

Ah ha ha ha ha

Finally, a Winner

I want this guy to be president. Sure, he makes a bad choice now and then but he's got balls the size of Russia.

Obama Rips Open a New Bag of Dipshit

I am constantly amazed at the political ineptitude of President Barrack Obama. I mean, Jesus Christ, how fucking out of touch can he be?
President Barack Obama said he doesn’t “begrudge” the $17 million bonus awarded to JPMorgan Chase & Co. Chief Executive Officer Jamie Dimon or the $9 million issued to Goldman Sachs Group Inc. CEO Lloyd Blankfein, noting that some athletes take home more pay.
Oh, right. Because Americans don't think it's bullshit that athletes make so much money. Also, remember when athletes almost destroyed our economy and we had to give them trillions of dollars to keep playing, so our country wouldn't fall into a depression? I don't either. Other than that, bang up job with the comparison.
The president, speaking in an interview, said in response to a question that while $17 million is “an extraordinary amount of money” for Main Street, “there are some baseball players who are making more than that and don’t get to the World Series either, so I’m shocked by that as well.”
I bet that's because it's the dumbest analogy in the history of our country, you fucking idiot.
“I know both those guys; they are very savvy businessmen,” Obama said in the interview yesterday in the Oval Office with Bloomberg BusinessWeek
Head. Desk. Head. Desk. Head. Desk. Head. Desk.
“I, like most of the American people, don’t begrudge people success or wealth. That is part of the free- market system.”
Yes...the free market system...right...um...hey, you dumb fucking asshole, what part of the "free market system" includes bailouts of trillions of dollars?
Obama sought to combat perceptions that his administration is anti-business and trumpeted the influence corporate leaders have had on his economic policies.
Well, you did it. I'm sure the voters will be excited to reward you.

Feb 8, 2010

John Murtha Switches To The Dead Guy Party

John Murtha left the Democratic Party for the more permanent Dead Guy Party today.

He was corrupt.

Bye.

Well, That Kid is Fucked



This brilliant woman was at a Palin/Texas Governor Rick Perry rally.

She's not very smart. And she's teaching that to her idiot child.

Feb 5, 2010

A Great Comedy Album

As a stand up comedian, I've become pretty bored with most stand ups. Most do everything they can to avoid talking about issues, and more importantly, themselves. The really good ones manage to show you exactly who they are through their act. They don't shy away from their flaws and manage to make them funny. I think Louis CK is currently the best at doing exactly that.

Yesterday I listened Death of the Party; the new comedy album from Kyle Kinane. It's a great fucking album. He's a great stand up. I don't think I've ever recommended a comedy album on this site, so I'm going to make this the first. It really is stand up the way it is supposed to be. He doesn't shy away from who he is, he embraces it and makes it funny.

Go buy the fucking thing. It's on iTunes or if you think Apple is a fucked up company, like me, you can buy it from Amazon.

Here's his website.

Follow him on Twitter.

Feb 4, 2010

A Fresh Pile of Republican Stupid

This is just astounding.

A new Rasmussen poll supplies a very interesting data point in the ongoing debate about the budget deficit: As it turns out, Republican voters would prefer having a deficit if it meant they can get more tax cuts, instead of raising taxes in order to balance the budget.

The national poll of likely voters asked: "Would you rather see a balanced budget with higher taxes or a budget deficit with tax cuts?" A 41% plurality would rather have budget deficit with tax cuts, with 36% calling for higher taxes and a balanced budget. The internals of the poll show Republicans favoring deficits and tax cuts.


Hey, I'd rather not pay for shit. Is that cool? Will that work on a personal level? I mean, can I just buy shit and not pay for it? I'd like to do that. I'm a selfish asshole who has the mentality of a 5-year-old. Gimme my stuff for free!!!!

These are the same people who complained about the D.C. subway system being slow when they went there to protest.

Fuck me. We are screwed.

Um. No. Don't.



That's not good.

Time For A Constitutional Convention

I'm with Lawrence Lessig on this one.

dave --

Yesterday I introduced you to our new website, FixCongressFirst.org, which is dedicated to reforming our political system through the Fair Elections Now Act.

As you explored this new site, you might have wondered, "Fix Congress first... then what?"

We all know it's going to take a comprehensive effort to achieve the kind of lasting reform that our democracy needs. Passing the Fair Elections Now Act is an essential first step, and with your support I know we can help make this legislation into law.

But the Citizens United ruling two weeks ago made one thing clear: the Supreme Court will not be our ally in the fight to restore the public's trust in Congress. If we want to guarantee that nothing will stand in the way of fundamental reform -- now or in the future -- then we have no choice but to write this reform into our founding document, the Constitution itself.

That's why I called last month for a constitutional amendment to protect the independence of Congress that would guarantee its accountability to no one but the People.

Today we announce another new website, CallAConvention.org, which is devoted to this effort to pass a constitutional amendment.

Our Constitution provides two paths to an amendment. The first begins in Congress, but I don't believe we can rely on Congress to upend the status quo that keeps members in office by giving them financial incentives to cater to special interests. Moreover, we shouldn't distract Congress from the vital task of passing the Fair Elections Now Act.

The second path -- the path I believe we should take -- is to call a Constitutional Convention. Our Framers established this process for moments just like this one: when the American public demands fundamental change, but Washington is unable or unwilling to heed their call. This path bypasses Congress, enabling the states to initiate a convention by passing resolutions through their legislatures.

Our new website will help our community lead the way to a Constitutional Convention and a constitutional amendment that preserves the integrity of our governing institutions. Click here to visit this new site, learn more, and sign on to support this movement:

http://CallAConvention.org

Our country has never held a Constitutional Convention, and the audacity of such a call does not escape me. But I am convinced that this is possible.

I'm convinced by the outpouring of outrage in the wake of the Citizens United decision. I'm convinced by the passion of those who offered me words of support and encouragement after my call for an amendment last week. And I'm convinced by the American people's history of strength and resolve in the face of overwhelming obstacles.

There is a will in this country to solve problems that have blocked progress for too long. If we can channel this will, remain focused, and unite around a common vision -- a vision that ignores partisan agendas in favor of a shared desire to preserve the integrity of our political system -- then I have no doubt this can be done.

In the coming weeks, we'll begin a discussion about exactly how we're going to get this done, and we'll be asking all of you to get involved and take a leadership role in a movement to change this country. Stay tuned for much, much more.

Fix Congress first. Then call a Convention.

This is our path -- this is how we'll restore our democracy.

-- Lawrence Lessig

Good Luck With That

Senate Democrats are planning on voting on the first installment of the Jobs Bill next week. Guess who no likey?

According to the Senate's top vote counter, there is currently no Republican support for the proposal Democrats are putting forth--and with Scott Brown to be seated today as the 41st Republican Senator, they'll need at least one member of the minority to come aboard.

Um. Guys. It's called the "Jobs Bill." There a crazy fucking recession going on. People like to eat.

But, yeah, go ahead and filibuster the "JOBS BILL." Can't see how that would backfire.

How To Become President

Take as many of these guys down as possible.

New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo has filed civil securities fraud charges against Bank of America and the firm's former CEO Ken Lewis, reports (sub. req.) the Wall Street Journal.

Cuomo alleges that Lewis, Chief Financial Officer Joe Price, and other BofA execs, chose not to disclose to shareholders the extent of the losses at Merrill Lynch before BofA bought the ailing Wall St. investment bank in late 2008.


Though, I'm sure the powers that be will use their illegal wiretapping network to take down Cuomo. much like they did with Spitzer.

(You'll find out about that in 20 years)

Housing Crisis 2, Electric Housaloo

Yeah, we're fucked.

Option ARMs have performed almost as poorly as subprime: "The cumulative default rate on option ARMs is higher than on any other category of loans except subprime. For 2006 securitized issuance, 61% of subprime loans have defaulted, as have 49% of the option ARMs, 39% of Alt-A loans, and 11% of prime loans."


This should be fun.

Feb 3, 2010

Feb 2, 2010

Please, God, No

How will I wait another week? Why is life so horrible?

CBS Films announced just now it is again postponing the release of the Jennifer Lopez/Alex O'Loughlin romantic comedy The Back-up Plan to April 23rd, same weekend as Wall Street 2 and MacGruber. It had been scheduled for April 16th which then got too crowded. And before that January 22nd when it was to be the first CBS Film. But then Extraordinary Measures tested so well (in the 90s) that it jumped to the top. And then flopped. Complicating The Back-Up Plan's release as well as J-Lo's new Sony album and exactly when she'd be available to do publicity for the film.


What's the point of living?

Corrupt Douchebag Could Die

Democratic Representative and corrupt scumbag John Murtha took a turn for the worst today after gall bladder surgery.

Democratic aides tell NBC News that 19-term Pennsylvania Rep. John Murtha (D) is hospitalized after complications arose after scheduled surgery to remove his gallbladder. Murtha is currently in intensive care at the Virginia Hospital Center in Arlington, VA.

The surgery followed an issue that arose in December, according to aides.

Anyway. Fuck him.

Feb 1, 2010

Finger On The Pulse

Democrats may be the stupidest assholes on the face of the Earth. At at time when America is screaming for a party to take the populist reigns, when anger is about to explode, when millions lose their jobs while Walls Street gets bailed out and takes millions in bonuses, they do this:

Twelve Democratic Senators spent last weekend in Miami Beach raising money from top lobbyists for oil, drug, and other corporate interests that they often decry, according to a guest list obtained by Politico.

The guest list for the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee's "winter retreat" at the Ritz Carlton South Beach Resort doesn't include the price tag for attendance, but the maximum contribution to the committee, typical for such events, is $30,000. There, to participate in "informal conversations" and other meetings Saturday, were senators including DSCC Chairman Robert Menendez; Michigan's Carl Levin and Debbie Stabenow; Bob Casey of Pennsylvania; Claire McCaskill of Missouri; freshmen Kay Hagan of North Carolina and Mark Begich of Alaska; and even left-leaning Bernie Sanders of Vermont.

Nice work. You guys just get it. And if you get the chance, maybe wipe your asses with some $100 dollar bills, then burn them on the steps of Congress.
“In the upcoming elections, voters will face a choice between Republicans who are standing with Wall Street fat cats, bankers and insurance companies — or Democrats who are working hard to clean up the mess we inherited by putting the people’s interests ahead of the special interests,” Menendez said in a press release last Wednesday.
Head - desk.

You Should Probably Shoot Yourself in the Face

I mean, seriously. What in the fuck is wrong with you people?
A new Daily Kos/Research 2000 poll, conducted among 2,000 self-identified Republican respondents nationwide, gives an interesting peek into the psyche of the minority party's base.

Kos has not yet released the full numbers, but here's some early info on the poll that he has posted on his Twitter account:
Ready? This is amazing.
• 39% of Republicans want President Obama to be impeached.

Right. George W. Bush committed so many crimes it is shocking. Yet, Republicans wanted to give him a daily handjob. The man absolutely annihilated The Constitution, but he got a pass. Oh, and being black is not one of the reasons you can impeach a president.
• 63% think Obama is a socialist.

Maybe take a political science class at the local community college. They also have night classes for special students at local high schools. You should look one of those up because you are completely fucking retarded if you think a man who is right of center is a socialist. You have no fucking idea what a socialist is, you walking embarrassment. Try picking up a book that doesn't have "Bible" written on the front.
• Only 42% believe Obama was born in the United States.

So, there are levels to their stupidity. 21% drop from thinking he's a socialist. Think about that. 21% of Republicans are actually smarter than these complete fucking morons, yet they are dumb as shit. It's really remarkable.

• 21% think ACORN stole the 2008 election -- that is, that Obama didn't actually win it, and isn't legitimately the president, with 55% saying they are "not sure."

Go ahead and eat a pound of Clorox.
• 31% want contraception to be outlawed.

Okay. We'll go for that if smashing your head in with a bat can also be legalized.