Feb 28, 2010


The time has come to point out all the Asshole Fuckfaces in the world, again.

Let's start with some Maryland Asshole Fuckfacery.

A 13-year-old girl, who we will call "female student," decided she didn't not want to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance at her Germantown middle school. That's like spitting in the eye of Jesus America, so the teacher took her outside the class and threatened her with detention if she did it again. But she was all into freedom and shit.
The next day, when the student again refused to stand for the pledge, the teacher called school officers to remove her from the classroom and take her to the counselor's office once again.

By "school officers," they mean "school police," aka, The Man. Honestly, the girl should have been shot.

But, hey, at least the dudes in charge of the school saw it for what it was.

"When the student’s mother reached out to an assistant principal for help in dealing with the teacher’s abusive and improper actions, the official said her daughter should instead apologize for her 'defiance.' The student did apologize, twice," the ACLU states.

Apologize to the fucking flag, you heathen! You just killed the United States of Christ.

The right to sit silently during the Pledge of Allegiance has been held up by the US Supreme Court and is enshrined in Maryland state law and Mongtomery County Public Schools' own policies, reports the Washington Post.

They should apologize, too. Supreme Court of Bitches.

Next up, some Arizona Asshole Fuckfacery.

Oh, sweet Jesus, do I love it when a white man explains the suffering of black people. Representative Trent Franks (R-AZ) recently stepped up to the Asshole Fuckface plate and knocked one out of the park.

It seems like humanity is very gifted at hiding from something that's obviously true. I mean in this country we had slavery for God knows how long.

And many of us try to pretend it never happened and the lasting effect it has on African Americans. Right?

And now we look back on it and we say, 'Well how blind were they, what was the matter with them, you know, I can't believe, I mean four million, this is incredible. And we're right. We're right, we should look back on that with criticism. It is a crushing mark on America's soul.

See, sometimes the left and right can look at something and agree.

And yet today, half of all black children are aborted. Half of all black children are aborted.

Oh. Um. That's a different subject.

Far more black children, far more of the African-American community is being devastated by the policies of today, than were being devastated by the policies of slavery.

That's a great point if you put a pile of shit where you normally keep your brain. But I agree that we should make aborted fetuses into slaves.

Next up, a little TSA fuckfacery.

If you're like me, you're tired of not seeing the handicapped crawl through security at airports. Dump them out of their fucking wheel chairs. Do you know how many weapons they could have stashed away in the fucker?

Ryan was taking his first flight, to Walt Disney World, for his fourth birthday.

The boy is developmentally delayed, one of the effects of being born 16 weeks prematurely. His ankles are malformed and his legs have low muscle tone. In March he was just starting to walk.

Sounds like a filthy criminal, or a terrorist, or a criminal terrorist.

The alarm went off.

The screener told them to take off the boy's braces.

Lose the weapon, you four-year-old son of a bitch.

"I told them he can't walk without them on his own," Bob Thomas said.

"He said, 'He'll need to take them off.' "

Only terrorists can't walk.

Ryan's mother offered to walk him through the detector after they removed the braces, which are custom-made of metal and hardened plastic.

No, the screener replied. The boy had to walk on his own.

It's called "America" not "Lay About."

They complied, and Leona went first, followed by Ryan, followed by Bob, so the boy wouldn't be hurt if he fell. Ryan made it through.

By then, Bob Thomas was furious. He demanded to see a supervisor. The supervisor asked what was wrong.

"I told him, 'This is overkill. He's 4 years old. I don't think he's a terrorist.' "

The supervisor replied, "You know why we're doing this," Thomas said.

Yeah, because you're Asshole Fuckfaces. Nice work. Next up, making quadriplegics drag themselves through using only their tongues.


André said...

i dont think i would make it in america for 5 minuts without being arrested for trying to kill a representative of authority.
it's like the whole nation is rulled by rednecks with guns.
if that little girl or retarded boy were my offspring, someone would be in serious danger

Anonymous said...

For what it's worth, these examples still aren't the norm -- but they are definitely too frequent and common. Whenever Dave does these, I'm sure there are a dozen examples of asshole fuckfacery that get left out because they are, well, commonplace examples.

Zia said...

"It's called 'America' not 'Lay About.'"

I am now following this blog due to the sheer genius of that one line. Awesome post.