Baby Fat Pants a No Go

Some babies need to get some exercise and ease up on the donuts.

Alex Lange is a chubby, dimpled, healthy and happy 4-month-old.

But in the cold, calculating numbered charts of insurance companies, he is fat. That's why he is being turned down for health insurance.

If we let every Fatty McFatterdiaper onto the insurance rolls, everyone's premiums will go up and profits will go down. Try jogging, you 4-month-old lazy fuck.

By the numbers, Alex is in the 99th percentile for height and weight for babies his age. Insurers don't take babies above the 95th percentile, no matter how healthy they are otherwise.

Also, all babies are stupid and don't even know they are not insured. So, who gives a fuck?

For now, Alex should take one less trip per week to Wendy's.