Failin' Up

The daughter of Sarah Palin, who's claim to fame is having a dude's sperm shot her 16-year-old body, is now bringing those smarts to America.

Bristol Palin, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's daughter, has reportedly filed the paperwork to open a public relations and consulting firm.

Please. Your advice is so very needed. Like, how do I fuck in the back of a car? Maybe you can use your PR experience to get me some hot teenage girl action. Should I carry a hockey stick around?

The Palins' lawyer said Bristol Palin is already an "ambassador" and speaker for the Candie's Foundation, a group that uses celebrity appearances and PSAs to promote abstinence among teens.

Don't enjoy cock at a young age like I did. Not, "use a condom." Just "don't enjoy that sweet cock the way I did."