Aug 3, 2009

Official Tantrums Recommended

Republicans and their health insurance overlords have come up with an awesome plan to deal with Democrats: Throw a baby tantrum.
This morning, Politico reported that Democratic members of Congress are increasingly being harassed by “angry, sign-carrying mobs and disruptive behavior” at local town halls. For example, in one incident, right-wing protesters surrounded Rep. Tim Bishop (D-NY) and forced police officers to have to escort him to his car for safety.
Get 'em! He's got different ideas and wants to help people, like Jesus!

Turns out it's not just a bunch of angry people getting together, but mobs orchestrated by lobbyist-run groups Americans for Prosperity and FreedomWorks. Those are the two groups who created the "Tea Parties," which they also pretended were grass-roots actions. They weren't. The big money monsters of the Republican Party, who came up with things like swiftboating in the past, are now behind these new hideous acts. Today, someone leaked a memo from Bob MacGuffie, a volunteer with the FreedomWorks website Tea Party Patriots. They've got some great ideas.
– Artificially Inflate Your Numbers: “Spread out in the hall and try to be in the front half. The objective is to put the Rep on the defensive with your questions and follow-up. The Rep should be made to feel that a majority, and if not, a significant portion of at least the audience, opposes the socialist agenda of Washington.”

– Be Disruptive Early And Often: “You need to rock-the-boat early in the Rep’s presentation, Watch for an opportunity to yell out and challenge the Rep’s statements early.”

– Try To “Rattle Him,” Not Have An Intelligent Debate: “The goal is to rattle him, get him off his prepared script and agenda. If he says something outrageous, stand up and shout out and sit right back down. Look for these opportunities before he even takes questions.”
Yay, democracy! Spread out, yell, and whatever you do, don't have an intelligent debate. Because, Tea Baggers do love themselves a quality intelligent debate.

Other tips:

Set a bag of shit on fire.
Run across the room with your cock out.
Stand up and slice a hamster in half.
Jump up and eat a Choco Taco in one bite.
Kick a puppy.
Poke your eyes out.

And lastly, murder. Because that's where this is going, isn't it? How long can you rile up lunatics before one does something horrible because he thinks his country is being destroyed.

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