Supreme Court Nominee Comes Up With Master Plan

Judge Sonia Sotomayor is a genius. After taking a lot of flack from rich, privileged, racist, white guys for being racist, she came up with a plan to fly through her nomination hearings: She crippled herself.

"She's only wearing that fake cast to help her rack up votes," Mr. Gingrich said. "The minute she's confirmed, she'll whip it off and start dancing a jig."

While Ms. Sotomayor reportedly broke her ankle while rushing to catch a plane, the former House Speaker said, "The fake-ankle-cast thing is the oldest trick in the book."

In-fucking-deed. The first guy to try to "fake-ankle-cast thing" was Judas. Jesus did not buy that shit and neither will the Senate.

"Ms. Sotomayor needs to brush up on her law," he said. "Last time I checked, empathy was unconstitutional."

Shit yeah. Understanding another person's thoughts and feelings is BIG TIME unconstitutional. As a matter of fact, IT'S FUCKING ILLEGAL.