Jul 22, 2008

Man Wins Dumbest Asshole of the Year Award IN JULY!

Wow. This is truly an impressive feat. Jaime Sneider, who spells his name like a moron, just picked up the coveted Stop All Monsters Asshole of the Year Award. Usually we wait until December to roll this baby out, but Sneider could not be denied after his latest post on the Weekly Standard website.
No one has taken the Obama campaign to task for its coffee expenditures...Before its June report was filed, the Obama campaign had spent about $1,800 at Starbucks and $1,400 at Dunkin Donuts. The McCain campaign, on the other hand, has spent a mere $498 at Starbucks and $970 at Dunkin' Donuts. It is also well known the Straight Talk Express is stocked with Dunkin' Donuts coffee.
Well, that's about the most useless fact in the history of words, Jaime. Just so you know, Obama's team has money coming out of every orifice. It practically falls out of the sky in clumps. McCain is basically selling fruit from an old vegetable cart to scrape up a couple of bucks. Also, how many people work on the Obama campaign compared to the McCain campaign? Didn't include that info? That's because you're a complete and total imbecile.
If coffee is a heuristic for the presidential election, then McCain campaign is in good shape.
It isn't. That's why you just won the Dumbest Asshole of the Year award.

While Starbucks is in the process of closing 600 locations, Dunkin' Donuts is opening dozens. Because Americans are pessimistic about the economy, they're more likely to spend only a buck or two on a cup of coffee than they are to splurge on the mocha chip frappuccino. There is also some dignity in being able to say small, medium, or large as opposed to tall, grande, or venti.
Oh, I get it. They use different names, which you see as un-American - because you have the reasoning ability of a clam. You also just won the Stop All Monsters Fucking Moron of the Year Award. I haven't seen a guy pull off the Double like this is quite some time. You are truly a hero to idiots everywhere.
But if everything is so bad for Starbucks, how did Obama manage to win the primary?
More people voted for him, you shocking simpleton.
Well, fortunately liberal elitists who have money to burn compose a smaller percentage of the overall population than the Democratic Party. Petite vanilla scones are to Obama what the bear claw is to McCain, and Americans are going to choose the latter.
Tell that to McCain's 9 houses.

I hate you. Not because of your political leanings, but because you make humans appear unworthy of the brains they have been given.

1 comment:

Paintstain said...

This is obviously Obama's "haircut" issue. Or what I like to call "MiscellaneousExpensesGate".

Is the awards committee being a little hasty? Shocking imbecile worthy of the title, yes, but there's a lot of ground to cover before November.