Jan 25, 2010

How Could He Not?

Something was amiss the other day when Levi Federwisch came home from work. His 6-month-old border collie was missing from the backyard. Levi figured the dog had gotten out somehow, so he searched the neighborhood. Turns out, he should have searched his neighbor's cock.
Federwisch told deputies he looked for his dog, then came home and saw Riley sexually assaulting Daisy.

Federwisch told deputies he briefly struggled with Riley to free Daisy.

She came onto him. He was just minding his business, when this dog starts running around with her tail up. Fucking up. In the air. It's called, "asking for it."
After deputies arrested Riley on charges of aggravated assault, they took him to their patrol vehicle, where Riley told them he'd drank 12 bottles of Budweiser beer, a violation of his parole.

I can't even begin to count how many dogs I have fucked after putting away a 12-pack. As a matter of fact, I don't even call them "12-packs," I call them "Dog fuck packs." Cause that's how shit's going down.

Riley had multiple scratches and scrapes on his arms, front torso, lower back, chest abdomen and pelvic area that were consistent with a dog's claws, according to the Sheriff's Office report.

Okay, this just got weird. I was on board up until this point. Arms, yes. I get that. Pelvic area, fuck yes. Chest, um. Lower back. Lower back? Hold your shit up. Was he making love to that dog missionary style? Because, I'm not seeing back scratches if he's hitting it "doggy style." No wonder the dog was so pissed. It was straight up other species rape.

I'm going to go ahead and call this wrong.

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