Jan 5, 2009

Worst Movies Of 2008

1) The Happening

Shockingly horrible movie, even for M. Night. I mean, seriously, plants? Didn't this dude see Attack of the Killer Tomatoes? It is strange to watch a writer/director lose his mind over a period of years while he makes films. Or to be this lazy. Whichever - please stop. Thanks.

2) Wanted

Finally, someone made a movie based a loom. I've often hoped a writer would be able to combine assassins and weaving.

3) Revolutionary Road

Take Mad Men, remove the subtlety, sprinkle with over-acting, toss in a dash of obviousness and then heap on a gigantic pile of horrible dialogue - and presto, you've got Revolutionary Road. A movie for the man who hates to think.

4) Defiance

At last someone made a movie that had me rooting for the Nazis - just so this eternal piece of crap would end.

5) Righteous Kill

Shooting yourself in the face halfway through this movie would have been a Righteous Kill because it would spare you from seeing the ending.

6) The Ruins

It's the year of "plants are killing people" movies. Oh, and plants are yelling and making cell phone noises. No word on whether or not they have learned to read yet.

7) The X-Files: I Want to Believe

I no longer believe. This would have been a bad episode of the TV series, which is really saying something.

8) Jumper

A guy can "jump" all over the world at any time AND there's a love interest? Where do I not sign up?

9) Seven Pounds

A very long movie about a complete dick.

10) The Incredible Hulk

Hey, look! Zack Penn wrote another movie. Barely. You know what's more tense than watching two CGI monsters fight it out in the third act? Two desks fighting it out.

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