Coal is Fucking Awesome

That's the message I took away from this USA Today article. Oddly, that is the message I take away from all USA Today articles, but this one was actually about coal. CEO Gregory Boyce, of coal giant Peabody Energy, explains how fucking awesome coal is.

"We wonder why we pay $4-plus for gasoline," says Boyce, moments before holding up a half-inch-long bottle filled with colorless liquid coal. "Coal has to be a big centerpiece of our energy strategy because it's our major reserve base.

"There's a perception out there that coal is dirty, and we have to change that," he adds, noting that coal plants already have cut emissions of some pollutants and boosted efficiency to slash CO2 discharges. "Black is the new green."

Fuckin' A. Also, cancer is the new penicillin. And morgues are the new Legoland. Rats are the new dog. Dane Cook is the new George Carlin. Ok, that last one was fucked up, but you get the point. The guy is a moron.