Jan 29, 2010
He seriously handed them their ass.
That's just a taste. Link. How about some more?
The full video is here.
Jan 28, 2010
Who hasn't thought about it? I do. Every time I walk by a fucking steak. Or pork chops.
Police arrested a Canton man accused of walking into a local Wal-Mart store early Friday morning and urinating on the counter containing steaks.
Jail records said he entered the store, walked to the steak counter and began urinating on the food, causing more than $600 in damage to the meat and surrounding counters.
Someone had to do it. It's called justice.
And there's no way WalMart tossed that meat out.
To be fair, a lot of that is only due to the fact that he is a cranky, old asshole, who has sold out everything he believed in.
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) is facing his lowest public approval ratings in his home state since 1994, according to the new Rocky Mountain Poll. The last time he faced approval ratings as bad as the ones released to today was in the aftermath of the Keating Five scandal, when McCain had to rebuild trust with voters in his home state.Just 40% of Arizonans approve of the job McCain is doing for them in D.C., according to the poll.
The sad thing is Taibbi taking one of them on shouldn't be a big deal, it should be the norm. But it's not.
Brooks here is trying to say that by criticizing, say, Goldman Sachs for mass thievery — criticizing a bank for selling billions of dollars worth of worthless subprime mortgage-backed securities mismarked as investment grade deals, for getting the taxpayer to pay them 100 cents on the dollar for their billions in crap investments with AIG, for forcing hundreds of millions of people to pay inflated gas and food prices when they manipulated the commodities market and helped push oil to a preposterous $149 a barrel, and for paying massive bonuses after receiving billions upon billions in public support even beyond the TARP — that in criticizing the bank for doing these things, people like me are primarily interested in being divisive and “organizing hatreds.”
Jan 27, 2010
Jan 26, 2010
Hoover implemented a spending freeze in 1932. Does anything else need to be said?
It’s appalling on every level.
It’s bad economics, depressing demand when the economy is still suffering from mass unemployment. Jonathan Zasloff writes that Obama seems to have decided to fire Tim Geithner and replace him with “the rotting corpse of Andrew Mellon” (Mellon was Herbert Hoover’s Treasury Secretary, who according to Hoover told him to “liquidate the workers, liquidate the farmers, purge the rottenness”.)
It’s bad long-run fiscal policy, shifting attention away from the essential need to reform health care and focusing on small change instead.
Jan 25, 2010
At a town hall meeting Thursday, Bauer, who is running for governor in his own right now that Sanford is term-limited, said: "My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed! You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that."Look, don't feed poor people. If you do, they start a'fuckin'. Then you got more poor people. Really, they are no different than the rats that live in the sewer. Basically, what I'm saying is I'm a crazy racist and I use the term "poor" to refer to blacks because I can't use nigger anymore in public.
When will the south just go away? You cool people in the south need to leave, so we can blow that place up.
Something was amiss the other day when Levi Federwisch came home from work. His 6-month-old border collie was missing from the backyard. Levi figured the dog had gotten out somehow, so he searched the neighborhood. Turns out, he should have searched his neighbor's cock.
Federwisch told deputies he looked for his dog, then came home and saw Riley sexually assaulting Daisy.
Federwisch told deputies he briefly struggled with Riley to free Daisy.
She came onto him. He was just minding his business, when this dog starts running around with her tail up. Fucking up. In the air. It's called, "asking for it."
After deputies arrested Riley on charges of aggravated assault, they took him to their patrol vehicle, where Riley told them he'd drank 12 bottles of Budweiser beer, a violation of his parole.
I can't even begin to count how many dogs I have fucked after putting away a 12-pack. As a matter of fact, I don't even call them "12-packs," I call them "Dog fuck packs." Cause that's how shit's going down.
Riley had multiple scratches and scrapes on his arms, front torso, lower back, chest abdomen and pelvic area that were consistent with a dog's claws, according to the Sheriff's Office report.
Okay, this just got weird. I was on board up until this point. Arms, yes. I get that. Pelvic area, fuck yes. Chest, um. Lower back. Lower back? Hold your shit up. Was he making love to that dog missionary style? Because, I'm not seeing back scratches if he's hitting it "doggy style." No wonder the dog was so pissed. It was straight up other species rape.
I'm going to go ahead and call this wrong.
In an interview with the Pakistani TV station Express TV, Defense Secretary Robert Gates confirmed that the private security firms Blackwater and DynCorp are operating inside Pakistan. “They’re operating as individual companies here in Pakistan,” Gates said, according to a DoD transcript of the interview. “There are rules concerning the contracting companies. If they’re contracting with us or with the State Department here in Pakistan, then there are very clear rules set forth by the State Department and by ourselves.”Fuck yeah! Get a group of mercenaries up in that bitch, who can increase their earnings and create more jobs for the company by destabilizing Pakistan! It's so smart I thought it was stupid!
Jan 24, 2010
Jan 23, 2010
The changes being considered track closely with the agreements House and Senate leaders made in White House meetings last week, according to a source. They include the deal with labor unions to ease the tax on high-end insurance plans, additional Medicare cuts and taxes, the elimination of a special Medicaid funding deal for Nebraska and a move to help cover the gap in seniors’ prescription drug coverage. Pelosi is also working to change the Senate provision that sets up state insurance exchanges. The House prefers a single, national exchange.
So, their solution to Massachusetts voters being angry that Congress is beholden to corporate interests is to also show they are beholden to union interests.
So stupid it is beyond understanding.
Americans clearly want populist legislation. (National exchanges are an idea thought up by The Heritage Foundation, a right wing think tank)
If the Democrats do this, they will be crushed in 2010 and 2012. And they should be.
Jan 22, 2010
After one year of Democratic rule, Obama and his party’s major achievements have been, in no particular order:
—Making the extremely popular cause of health care extremely unpopular.
—Electing a conservative Republican from the bluest state in the country to the senate.
—Reviving the corpse that was the Republican Party.
—Demoralizing the Democratic base.—And yes, even enhancing the image of George W Bush, by putting him in the spotlight on Haiti.
The Obama administration has decided to continue to imprison without trials nearly 50 detainees at the Guantanamo military prison in Cuba because a high-level task force has concluded that they are too difficult to prosecute but too dangerous to release, an administration official said on Thursday.Oh, good. For a minute there I thought he might do something that gave me a sliver of hope.
Wake me the next time he bombs Yemen or Pakistan.
Jan 21, 2010
INHOFE: I’m, for one — I know it’s not politically correct to say it — I believe in racial and ethnic profiling. I think if you’re looking at people getting on an airplane and you have X amount of resources to get into it, you get at the targets, and not my wife. And I just think it’s something that should be looked into. The statement that’s made, it’s probably 90 percent true with some exceptions like the Murrah federal office building in my state, Oklahoma. Those people, they were not Muslims, they were not Middle Easterners. But when you hear that not all Middle Easterners or Muslims between the age of 20 and 35 are terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslims or Middle Easterners between the age of 20 and 35, that’s by and large true.
Right. I mean, except for the time when a white dude killed a bunch of people IN THE STATE I FUCKING REPRESENT. Other than that, you know, all Muslim and Arabs and shit.
Thank God there are no Caucasian Muslims in the world.
In a ruling that has major implications for how elections are funded, the Supreme Court has struck down a key campaign-finance restriction that bars corporations and unions from pouring money into political ads.
The long-awaited 5-4 ruling, in the Citizens United v. FEC case, presents advocates of regulation with a major challenge in limiting the flow of corporate money into campaigns, and potentially opens the door for unrestricted amounts of corporate money to flow into American politics.
You thought politicians were owned by corporations before? Hold on to your asshole, this bitch is about to become a complete corporate playground. And you are the tanbark.
And I should ad, this is the ultimate example of "activist judges."
Jan 20, 2010
We can't do anything now.
· It is mathematically impossible for Democrats to pass legislation on our own. Senate Republicans to come to the table with ideas for improving our nation and not obstructionist tactics.
· Saying "no" might be a good political strategy but it does nothing to create jobs or help improve the lives of struggling Americans.
Jesus. There are so many things that can be done. The nuclear option is one. Forcing all Republican Senators to be on the floor during a filibuster is another. On and on. Many, many majority parties have faced this problem and figured out ways to get legislation passed. This is part of Democracy. You figure out a way to twist and manipulate the system and you get shit done.
Filibusters, finally, used to be costly forms of obstruction. But Senate customs since the 1970s or so have made them easy for the obstructionists — and equally easy, as well as hidden, are things like “individual holds” to prevent votes even when the overwhelming majority is in favor. The Senate is not built for modern governance — though it is perfectly suited to modern media campaigns to obstruct and destroy public action.
Democrats in the Senate, with White House backing, could be changing customs to make holds visible and filibusters costly (for example, if senators using holds were identified and holds were made temporary, and if filibusterers had to maintain 40 or more senators present on the floor at all times). But the Democratic Senate leaders don’t take these steps, because secretly many Democratic senators are prima donnas who love the personal clout these practices give them. The best time to have acted was back at the start, when President Obama was more popular. Now it will be harder.
– Democrats, in the end, are setting America and their party up to fail, by not figuring out how to move things with huge majorities short of 60 in the Senate. Why vote for them, people will say, if they cannot do anything anyway? Or worse, if they engage in unseemly bargains to buy individual Senators’ votes with measures against the public interest.
It's fucking amazing that these idiots don't understand that the American people voted them in to take drastic action to change things and get the ship back on the right track.
We just want shit to get done. We really don't care how it gets done, you fucking spineless idiots.
Jan 18, 2010
I'm not sure how this works.
Some 390 tons of ground beef produced by a California meat packer, some of it nearly two years ago, is being recalled for fear of potentially deadly E. coli bacterium tainting, U.S. officials said on Monday.
I guess I'll send back all my two-year-old meat. It's kind of a bummer because it was almost ripe.
Also, I'll be shitting in a box and sending that on.
Good times. Reminds me of when US soldiers killed a bunch of Iraqis, then drove through town with "Jesus killed Muhammad" spray painted on the side of their Humvee.
ABC is reporting that soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan have been using rifle scopes that bear coded references to Bible verses, including lines like "For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ."
That verse is rendered on tiny letters on the the scopes, made by Wixom, Michigan-based Trijicon, as "2COR4:6" referring to chapter 4, verse 6 of the Second Epistle of Paul to the Corinthians.
In fact, it was spring, 2004; and although Humphrey was a combat veteran of Kosovo and Iraq, the men to whom he was detailed, the 10th Special Forces Group, were not interested in grunts like him. They would not say what they were doing, and they used code names. They called themselves “the Faith element.”
I heard some guys were vandalizing mosques,” Humphrey says. “Spray-painting ’em with crosses.”Weeeeeeeeee
They had commissioned the Special Forces interpreter, an Iraqi from Texas, to paint a legend across their Bradley’s armor, in giant red Arabic script.
“What’s it mean?” asked Humphrey.
“Jesus killed Mohammed,” one of the men told him. The soldiers guffawed. JESUS KILLED MOHAMMED was about to cruise into the Iraqi night.
Jan 15, 2010
When you think they can't get any more horrible, the Republicans always manage to surprise. In this case, I'm speaking of abomination and House member Steve King.
Rep. Steve King (R-IA) told ABC News today that he thinks a new push to grant Haitian refugees temporary protection status -- allowing them to live and work in the U.S. legally -- is a political move by immigration activists.
Ah, okay. Well, that's kind of fucked up. You're politicizing a horrible tragedy by acting like others are politicizing it. Scummy move, for sure, but it's what we've come to expect from your kind.
He also suggested that it may be better to deport Haitians, so they could contribute to the relief effort there.
Um. Holy fucking shit. Hey, here's an idea. You know how that island was just decimated by an enormous earthquake, has no functioning government, it's people are living on the streets, starving and injured, and is basically ruled by gangs? We should send them a bunch of poor people to help out.
"Illegal immigrants from Haiti have no reason to fear deportation, but if they are deported, Haiti is in great need of relief workers, and many of them could be a big help to their fellow Haitians."
Maybe we could also send them some Darfur refugees while we're at it.
Jan 14, 2010
“I remained positive during the talks,” Mr. Leno said, “and while they were still at the table discussing a solution, ‘The Tonight Show’ remained dark in support of our writing staff. Now that the talks have broken down and there are no further negotiations scheduled, I feel it’s my responsibility to get my 100 nonwriting staff, which were laid off, back to work."
See? Jay cares about the little man, the working guy. That's why he has gone right after Conan's job, which will cause Conan's writing and non-writing staff, many of who moved across country for their job, to be unemployed. Casualties of Jay's obsession to continue to bring his personal brand of lowest common denominator comedy to America.
A class act, that Jay Leno. A man who cares about the common man.
Jan 12, 2010
Maybe he's going to use Interpol as his secret police force when he takes over the country. I can think of no better organizaiton that a collective legal body made up of many people from many different countries.
Beck was rightly puzzled regarding the exact purpose of President Obama's Dec. 16 signing of an executive order "designating Interpol as a public international organization entitled to enjoy certain privileges, exemptions and immunities."
Beck spoke for a host of other government watchdogs when he asked on the air, "We've been asking ever since it was signed: why? Who can tell me what special interest group asked for this? If it were about terror, why not tell us that when he signed it? This Congress attacks our CIA and FBI, but Interpol gets immunity? Why? It makes no sense."
Glenn, I agree. It makes absolutely no sense, if Obama signed the executive order for no other reason but to arbitrarily broaden Interpol's legal exemptions. But I think I've recently seen behind the veil on the White House's covert mission and mystery with Interpol.
While many in the conservative world have accused Obama of extending Interpol's legal exemptions for the purpose of empowering a global police force, I believe there's a much closer goal and strategic reason he gave this presidential edict. And it dawned on me when I read the seven words of Rachel Billington, an Interpol spokeswoman, who explained to the New York Times, the applicable location of the president's executive order: "It's only for the New York office."
"Only for the New York office"? Mmmmm.
Oh, shit. Motherfucking New York City. Brown people be up in that bitch.
If international terrorist criminal records are somehow even merely allowed to "pass through" or "temporarily be housed in" New York's Interpol storage bin, they will be as safe as the gold at Fort Knox. Al Capone's vault had nothing on Interpol's new repository!
Bam! He's opening up a closed vault for FILES. Of terrorist stuff!
I have no doubt that Interpol will become Obama's secret vault for terrorists' criminal records and evidence – and whatever else he and his Cabinet want to place in there.
Like Muslim recipes and shit.
This is just the beginning of what Washington can and will do with this executive order that Obama signed. And it's just one more example of the way your federal government has got the backs of those who are attacking our country, abandoning our Constitution and dissolving America's sovereignty.
There has never been a greater case made than the one Chuck just spelled out to you. Obama is keeping files for terrorists in his secret file hole, so he can help terrorists.
In the end, there appears to be one true advantage for the president's executive order to exempt Interpol from search and seizure: There will always be a safe and tamper-proof place where Obama can store his original, long-form birth certificate.
Wow. My blood just went ice cold. It's like a vampire just crawled up behind me. Scary, scary shit. We will never know where that son of a bitch was born now.
Jan 11, 2010
And here's what he actually looks like.
You can see how his skin color looks just a bit more Caucasian in the official photo in the middle. Sad, creepy and pathetic all wrapped into one.
But, whatever it takes to win, eh? Maybe actually get some skin bleaching done, instead of just using photoshop, kid.
Jan 8, 2010
Thousands of Afghans shouting "Death to America!" protested the killings of children Thursday, the latest in a string of controversial cases in which international forces have been blamed for civilian deaths.
We win! More troops = more fighting = more civilian deaths = more terrorists.
Welcome to retard math.
Palin had a reflexive tendency to refer to Biden as "O'Biden," Schmidt revealed. He says other people on the campaign staff came up with a solution. "It was multiple people -- and I wasn't one of them-- who all said at the same time, 'Just say, 'Can I call you Joe?'' which she did."
Hey, at least she didn't call him "Brian."
Jan 6, 2010
Arizona House Republicans on Tuesday proposed a sweeping package of tax cuts aimed at helping businesses, with Speaker Kirk Adams saying the incentives are needed to spur economic development and add high-paying jobs in the state.
Yes. That should do it. Tax cuts = less money! It's so obvious!
Arizona: Officially dumber than California.
Bristol Palin, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's daughter, has reportedly filed the paperwork to open a public relations and consulting firm.
Please. Your advice is so very needed. Like, how do I fuck in the back of a car? Maybe you can use your PR experience to get me some hot teenage girl action. Should I carry a hockey stick around?
The Palins' lawyer said Bristol Palin is already an "ambassador" and speaker for the Candie's Foundation, a group that uses celebrity appearances and PSAs to promote abstinence among teens.
Don't enjoy cock at a young age like I did. Not, "use a condom." Just "don't enjoy that sweet cock the way I did."
Jan 4, 2010
It could have been wanted. Many a fella or lady has desired the soft, hairy bag in their eat hole. Others have had a scrotum hoisted upon their face as they slept in a drunken stupor (frat prank). Is it over at that point? Good God no. The scrotum is then repeatedly moved in an up and down motion, like one would with an impatient tea bag. Hilarity or sensuousness ensues.
Teabagging was an honorable label to have. Gay, straight, it did not matter. If you were a Teabagger, you lived on the edge. You were dangerous. It meant something. The greatest Teabaggers are artists. To drop one's sack into another's mouth, while gently squatting, leg muscles fully in control, all the way down to a soft awaiting tongue is a talent that should be respected. We have often demanded Teabagging be an event in the Olympics. But now? Respected? Feared?
In 2009, the name Teabagger was stolen from us by a group of clowns. Men who follow the least Teabaggiest man of all time: Glenn Beck. A Mormon and dry drunk. If he did any actual Teabagging in the past, he has certainly renounced it, as the Mormon underwear have no scrotum flap for easy Teabagging access. When one hears the term Teabagger now, he thinks of idiots wearing flag hats and prancing around with signs like this.
Sigh. If that man's balls ever ended up in someone's mouth, it would have been by accident. He is the new Teabagger. A talentless fool with the mind of a simpleton. He screams about too many taxes and has absolutely no knowledge of the actual functions of government. He probably cannot even complete one squat, let alone hover dangerously over another's mouth, knowing failure means a horrible anus to chin nightmare.
At the end of the year, Teabagger found itself on the New Oxford American Dictionary's 2009 Word of the Year Finalist List.
teabagger - a person who protests President Obama's tax policies and stimulus package, often through local demonstrations known as "Tea Party" protests (in allusion to the Boston Tea Party of 1773
It's like a knife stabbing right into the middle of my junk.
But we will not take this standing up. This year, real Teabaggers will fight to take our name back. We are and have always been the real Teabaggers. Our act has never been about taxes or presidents. It's about putting your balls in someone's mouth and nothing else. So, here are the ways we will take back Teabagging:
1) We will Teabag in public. For example, take your mate to the steps of your local courthouse, push him or her on the ground, drop your trousers and slip that bag into the moist hole. Then scream, "I am a Teabagger!"
2) Infiltrate the fake Teabagger groups. Pretend like you are angry about the president and his tax policies. Make up signs with misspelled racist language (Alabama Perch Monkey, etc.). Once you are in, you can attend their functions. Finally, when at a protest, make sure you speak to the media and let it be known that you insert your shriveled sperm pouch into other's mouths and know nothing about taxes.
3) Teabagger Forums. Hit up their message boards and subtly introduce what teabagging is actually all about. Post photos of actual Teabagging.
4) Bumper stickers and T-shirts. We will ship "Ask me about Teabagging" bumper stickers and T-shirts to anyone who requests one. The only stipulation is when asked, you must Teabag the questioner whether they want it or not.
5) Lobby Hollywood. Movies and television are the most powerful tools for ingraining ideas in American's brains. We need to speak to directors, writers and producers to get them to switch lovemaking scenes to teabagging scenes. Imagine how great and influential The English Patient would have been if, instead of lovemaking, Ralph Fiennes was dipping his bag into Kristin Scott Thomas' mouth and groaning, "Teabagggggg."
6) Talk to your grandparents. Many of these false teabaggers seem to be old. It's time to sit grandma and grandpa down and explain to them what teabagging actually means. If necessary, throw your junk down grandpa's oatmeal hole. Point made.
7) Protest the false Teabagger rallies with actual Teabagging. Show up at all of their ridiculous anti-tax rallies and drop your sack. Make it known this is who you are and they have taken your name. Try to cum.
That's where we are for now. I know we can take our label back. I wish you all luck.
A former mayor of a Lancashire town has admitted breaking into women's homes and stealing their underwear.
Hey, it's not the best crime to commit and probably won't help his standing in the community but there have been worse crimes committed by politicians.
Ian Stafford, 59, of Sandycroft Place, Preesall, resigned as mayor of Preesall when he was arrested in connection with the missing garments.
Ah, fuck, Ian. It was all going so well. Why, oh, why would you do such a thing?
Oh. Well. Now it makes sense. And it's okay if you refer to the panties as "your friends."
Michelle Bachmann is the dumbest Republican alive. I don't think that is debatable. In a delightful turn of events, her moronitude may actually be coming to bite her in the ass.
Last year, Bachmann repeatedly said she would defy the Census by not completely filling out the information on the forms, but would instead only give the number of people in her household. She said that Census data was used to conduct the 1940's Japanese-American internment, and warned that the government was seeking to gather information about people's mental health.
She actually should be worried that the government is gathering information on crazy people, due to her complete insanity. It's not, but who cares. The anti-Census crowd are a bunch of fucking lunatics. Thankfully, their leader may be screwing her own pooch.
It's ironic that a Minnesota member of Congress, Republican Michele Bachmann, went so far last summer to declare her intention to only partially complete her census forms, and to suggest reasons for others not to comply with the census law. If Minnesota loses a congressional seat, Bachmann's populous Sixth District could be carved into pieces.
Maybe Jesus can help her. Apparently, the 6th District is a meandering, oddly shaped mess. All the other Minnesota districts are normal shaped, so hers would be the easiest to absorb without causing a lot of headaches.
Aw. Well, maybe she can adopt another 748 children.
Al Qaeda has developed a new tactic that allows suicide bombers to breach even the tightest security, as CBS News correspondent Sheila MacVicar reports.Oh dear.
Taking a trick from the narcotics trade - which has long smuggled drugs in body cavities - Asieri had a pound of high explosives, plus a detonator inserted in his rectum.Not only does it kill your intended victims, but it also produces a shuddering orgasm.
Double win. For them, anyway.
Hi, my name is Abdullah and I have a pound of something in my ass.
Edit: Forgot the link
Jan 2, 2010
Jan 1, 2010
I'd be surprised if Toby McGuire didn't win the Oscar for Brothers, even though I could give a shit about the Oscars and actually dislike them quite a bit.
The Lighthouse is possibly the worst film of the year. Maybe the worst film ever put on film. Or digital.