Nov 30, 2009
The House Committee on Homeland Security has invited testimony from the reality show wannabes during a full committee hearing on Thursday.
"Thursday’s hearing will focus on the breakdown in security arrangements on the evening of Tuesday, November 24, deficiencies in security planning leading up to the State Dinner, actions taken to correct the vulnerabilities and identify any violations of Secret Service policy or management failures at the agency," says a release from the committee. "The Committee plans to invite testimony from Mr. and Mrs. Salahi, who managed to attend portions of the State Dinner without proper White House and Secret Service clearance, and Secret Service Director Mark Sullivan, who is responsible for the safety of Secret Service protectees and the plans his agency develops and implements to secure them."
Or, you know, you could just let the secret service handle it.
I hate you.
First, the horror of legalized pot.
Customers -- this, not patients, is what most really are -- tell doctors at the dispensaries that they suffer from insomnia, anxiety, headaches, premenstrual syndrome, "chronic pain," whatever, and pay nominal fees for "prescriptions." Most really just want to smoke pot.
Oh no. Dear God, no. George really cracked open this case.
George then explains that the majority of us Californians want pot to be completely legalized (Yes). Then he breaks down why that's a super bad idea.
State governments, misunderstanding markets and ravenous for revenue, exaggerate the potential windfall from taxing legalized marijuana. California thinks it might reap $1.4 billion. But Rosalie Pacula, a Rand Corp. economist, estimates that prohibition raises marijuana production costs at least 400 percent, so legalization would cause prices to fall much more than the 50 percent assumed by the $1.4 billion estimate.
Take that. A bunch of state governments think they will get major cash flow from a pot tax - but WILL KNOWS A DUDE who says different. Sorry, dude lady. She's all, "Uh uh." And George was like, "Wha?"
Furthermore, marijuana is a normal good in that demand for it varies with price. Legalization, by drastically lowering price, will increase marijuana's public health costs, including mental and respiratory problems, and motor vehicle accidents.
So. Wait. If we legalize it, the price will go down and more people will go crazy and die in car crashes? Wow. That's maybe the most retarded argument against legalizing pot I've ever read. Even a stoner wouldn't think something so stupid up.
States attempting to use high taxes to keep marijuana prices artificially high would leave a large market for much cheaper illegal -- unregulated and untaxed -- marijuana. So revenue (and law enforcement savings) would depend on the price falling close to the cost of production. In the 1990s, a mere $2 per pack difference between U.S. and Canadian cigarette prices created such a smuggling problem that Canada repealed a cigarette tax increase.
Wait. You mean a tax that doubled the price of a pack of smokes led to smuggling? You don't say. I'm amazed. Didn't you just say the price drop would lead to more car accidents? I'm confused. Please tell me about the scourge of alcohol smuggling we Americans endure due to it being taxed.
You're a retard.
Nov 29, 2009
Maurice Clemmons, the 37-year-old Tacoma man being sought for questioning in the killing this morning of four Lakewood police officers, has a long criminal record punctuated by violence, erratic behavior and concerns about his mental health.
Well, that's not good. Crazy, violent and now apparently responsible for executing 4 police officers.
Nine years ago, then-Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee granted clemency to Clemmons, commuting his lengthy prison sentence over the protests of prosecutors.
Nice work, Mike.
Nov 25, 2009
In nearly nine months in office, President Obama has found time to meet with Hugo Chavez, Daniel Ortega and Vladimir Putin. But this week he won't see the Dalai Lama, a peaceful religious leader who has long been a friend to the U.S. and an advocate of human rights for China's six million Tibetans.Mr. Obama's slight is the first time a sitting president will not meet with the Dalai Lama during a Washington visit since President George H.W. Bush met with him in 1991.
Somebody owes China money and wants more.
Either way, she clearly did not brush up on the goin' ons before she became the White House spokeswoman. Yesterday, she was discussing the Fort Hood shooting with Sean Hannity.
PERINO: And we had a terrorist attack on our country. And we should call it what it is. Because we need to face up to it so that we can prevent it from happening again.
HANNITY: I agree with you. And why won’t they say what you just so simply said?
PERINO: They want to do all of their investigations. I don’t know. All of the thinking that goes into it. But we did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush’s term. I hope they’re not looking at this politically. I do think we ought it to the American people to call it what it is.
Um. It seems like there may have been a terrorist attack on the US when Bush was president. Maybe I'd remember it if thousands had died and two very large buildings were destroyed, resulting in two wars that are still going on.
Nope. Can't think of anything.
Nov 23, 2009
In an appearance on Fred Thompson's radio show, Lou Dobbs responded to a question about whether he'd consider a run for President by saying, "yes is the answer."Dobbs said that over the next few weeks he's going to discuss his options with "some folks who want me to listen to them," but that "right now I'm fortunate to have a number of just wonderful options.
Lou Dobbs (I-Crazy Party)
BUTTARS: I meet with the gays here and there. They were in my house two weeks ago. I don’t mind gays. But I don’t want ‘em stuffing it down my throat all the time. Certainly not in my kid’s face.
Totally. Don't shove it down his throat and don't rub it all over his kid's face and everything will be cool. Also, don't jam your gay beliefs up his anus. And please don't shoot your gay all over his back.
Nov 20, 2009
* Creamy dips and spreads (cheeses, peanut butter, etc.)
* Gift baskets with food items (salsa, jams and salad dressings)
* Maple syrup
* Oils and vinegars
* Salad dressing
* Wine, liquor and beer
And don't even get me started on my special creamy dip.
Representing Australia, Liberal MP Fran Bailey grabbed a spot of shuteye during her taxpayer-funded appearance at the NATO Parliamentary Assembly in Edinburgh, Scotland.
Lady Zzzzz said she had been working hard and deserved a "power nap."
It’s not the first time Ms Bailey has fallen asleep on the job.HEY! She's not "constantly asleep." She has to walk in and settle down before taking her nap. If she were constantly asleep, she never would have made it there.
Last year in Parliament, Labor MP Anthony Albanese asked: “I wonder if someone can get the Member for McEwen a pillow.”
“She is constantly asleep!” Labor MP Daryl Melham interjected.
Nov 19, 2009
Republican senators on Wednesday blocked an effort to debate a bill that would prevent credit card companies from raising interest rates ahead of new regulations coming into force next year.
Oh, thank God. Because that might actually help Americans suffering during this horrible economic hole we are in.
Nov 18, 2009
Sometimes teachers catch our eye for their amazing ability to encourage and support students. Today we found another one. Meet Randolph Forde - who teaches at Mundy's Mill High School in Clayton County, Georgia.
A suburban Atlanta high school teacher has been accused of pursuing a "hit" on a 16-year-old student last month.
That student is so not getting a good grade.
Attorney Terance Madden, who represents alleged target and his family, issued a statement saying that problems between the boy and the teacher go back to "on or about September 29," when "Forde allegedly called my client outside the class and asked him if he is gay."
Well, who hasn't had that conversation with a teacher? So far, I'm not seeing anything out of the ordinary.
Then "on or about September 30," the two had an argument in class and Forde threatened "to hit him in his 'effin mouth," Madden's statement said.
Oh, so now discipline is a bad thing. Okay. Whatever.
Clayton County Police report says the incident occurred October 9. The suspect took a student off a school bus and told him he "would pay him to kill the victim," the report says. When the student asked who the target would be, the suspect said he'd write the name on a note, it says.
"The teacher held a piece of paper up with the victim's name on it," said Officer Otis Willis III of the Clayton police.
Okay, that was a bit over the line. And yet, I'm guessing highly effective. We should encourage teachers who use unorthodox teaching methods, not drive them out of school.
Russian police have arrested three homeless people suspected of eating a 25-year-old man they had butchered and selling other bits of the corpse to a local kebab house.
What quality kebab house doesn't buy meat from homeless people? That's where the best meat comes from.
Suspicions were raised when dismembered parts of a human body were found near a bus stop in the outskirts of the Russian city of Perm, 1,150 km (720 miles) east of Moscow.
That's where I like to do most of my butchering, so I can catch the eastbound 402 when I'm done.
"After carrying out the crime, the corpse was divided up: part was eaten and part was also sold to a kiosk selling kebabs and pies," the Prosecutor-General's main investigative unit for the Perm region said in a statement issued Friday.
Mmmm. Human pie.
Furious members of Parliament have accused the reggae singer who butchered the national anthem on Friday night, of treason.
Every country has to have these guys in government.
He said an apology alone was not good enough, and that the South African official who had recommended Dumisani to the French, should also be held accountable.
Shit yeah. And his mother, whose womb he rolled out of with his awful voice.
I look forward to his execution.
Nov 17, 2009
If any vegans came over for dinner, I could whip them up a salad, then explain my philosophy on being a carnivore: If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?
Good point, now pass that bowl of grandma.
Playgirl spokesman Daniel Nardicio has released a statement blaming Levi's manager Tank Jones. "He did not give 'full-frontal' as his manager Tank Jones reported he would. We're thrilled with the photos we got, and are confident people will love them. Although there may be glimpses, we did not get full on frontal nudity."
Boo. What are all those gay dudes going to jerk off to? Boooooooo.
Shadegg, speaking on the House floor last night, via Media Matters:
"I saw the Mayor of New York said today, "We're tough. We can do it." Well, Mayor, how are you going to feel when it's your daughter that's kidnapped at school by a terrorist? How are you going to feel when it's some clerk -- some innocent clerk of the court -- whose daughter or son is kidnapped? Or the jailer's little brother or little sister? This is political correctness run amok."
Um. What? Hey, here's a tip when making an argument: Have it make sense. Relate it to the topic at hand. Also, movies are not real.
So, I guess the Republicans who said they will never back down from terrorists are now shockingly afraid of terrorists. I'm confused.
Nov 16, 2009
A provision in a Senate bill quietly adopted in 2008 yet to reach a vote would allow veterans in the FBI's criminal background system listed as "mentally incapacitated" to purchase firearms.
Oh, good. Because what this already insanely violent nation needs is dudes with PTSD running around with guns. I don't see what could go wrong.
Republican North Carolina Sen. Richard Burr explained why his bill is so awesome.
"My bill would ensure America's brave men and women enjoy the rights they fought so hard to protect. This legislation was included in a larger piece of legislation that will improve the care provided to our veterans."
Totally. Also, not one living soldier has fought to protect the right to own a firearm. Not one.
But good point.
News photos of President Barack Obama bowing to Japan's emperor have incensed critics here, who said the US leader should stand tall when representing America overseas.
Yes, like when John Wayne was our president. It's a shameful act to use the customary cultural greeting when meeting the Emperor of one of our allies. Real men shake hands and shake hands only.
"I don't know why President Obama thought that was appropriate. Maybe he thought it would play well in Japan. But it's not appropriate for an American president to bow to a foreign one," said conservative pundit William Kristol.
He almost blew him, for God's sake!
Another conservative voice, Bill Bennett, said on CNN's "State of the Union" program: "It's ugly. I don't want to see it."
I'll cut my eyes out before I witness such horror! What kind of leader would lower himself to customary greetings practiced by other nations?
What? No skipping?
Just a few days ago, Jon Stewart said "buena suerte, mi amigo" to Lou Dobbs' show on CNN. But on Wednesday, Stewart will say "bienvenidos" to the man himself when Dobbs stops by "The Daily Show" as Stewart's guest.
At least for one day, we will know what to do with our Mexicans.
And Sweet Lou walked away with a cool $8 million, so there is a God.
Nov 13, 2009
Balloon boy: Richard Heen pleads guilty.
Richard Heene has entered a guilty plea to a charge of attempting to influence a public servant, a class 4 felony.
Not bad for freaking out the country and sending firemen and cops all over Colorado scrambling to save the life of your not in danger child.
Judge Stephen Schapanski also granted a request for Heene to be able to travel to New York and California to seek employment.
Holy shit. He's still trying to get a reality show deal. Please, somebody stop it.
US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said Friday that she is optimistic a peace pact between the Philippine government and the Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF) will happen before President Arroyo steps down in 2010.
She just understands MILF better than most.
On a side note, I would fuck the shit out of the Moro Islamic Liberation Front.
Nov 12, 2009
Mike is a morning zoo host on a Christian radio station. Awesome.
That's Mike on the left. He's fun!
Mike, you're never alone, bro.
How did he come to Jesus? I mean, really come to Jesus?
I look forward to keeping up with Mike and his wacky life.
My brain cannot wrap around the idea of a Christian Radio Morning Zoo.
After 21 years, Tulsa is getting a new city auditor.
Thirty-seven-year-old political newcomer Preston Doerflinger easily turned out 84-year-old incumbent Phil Wood in Tuesday's election, signaling what Doerflinger hopes is a new era of an activist auditor.
Change. It's a great thing.
Doerflinger was elected on the same night voters approved a charter revision requiring the auditor to be a certified public accountant or certified internal auditor. Doerflinger has neither.
Ah, that Christian persecution complex is not looking more and more cartoonish every day.
Someone needs to learn the difference between "reasons" and "terms." Oh, and someone needs to stop masturbating in front of cameras, which forces someone to drop their lawsuit when the masturbating tapes are produced in court.
Nov 11, 2009
Nov 10, 2009
The world is not coming to an end on December 21, 2012, the US space agency insisted Monday in a rare campaign to dispel widespread rumors fueled by the Internet and a new Hollywood movie.
But it's in a movie. ON SCREEN. How can it not be real?
Then they pull out the old "four-billion years" line. Fuck you, liars.
"There is no factual basis for these claims," NASA said in a question-and-answer posting on its website.
After all, "our planet has been getting along just fine for more than four billion years," added NASA.
We're doomed. The only man who can save is is John Cusack, who will drive us to safety in his limo.
Last Friday, a huge crowd of fans marched in a ticker-tape parade in downtown Manhattan to celebrate the Yankees’ World Series championship. More than once, as the fans passed through the financial district, the crowd erupted in rhythmic, echoing chants of “Wall Street sucks! Wall Street sucks!”
Finally, I like something Yankee fans have done.
Nov 8, 2009
“We have been led to believe that we must make our health care choices only within the current structure of a predatory, for-profit insurance system which makes money not providing health care. We cannot fault the insurance companies for being what they are. But we can fault legislation in which the government incentivizes the perpetuation, indeed the strengthening, of the for-profit health insurance industry, the very source of the problem. When health insurance companies deny care or raise premiums, co-pays and deductibles they are simply trying to make a profit. That is our system.
“Clearly, the insurance companies are the problem, not the solution. They are driving up the cost of health care. Because their massive bureaucracy avoids paying bills so effectively, they force hospitals and doctors to hire their own bureaucracy to fight the insurance companies to avoid getting stuck with an unfair share of the bills. The result is that since 1970, the number of physicians has increased by less than 200% while the number of administrators has increased by 3000%. It is no wonder that 31 cents of every health care dollar goes to administrative costs, not toward providing care. Even those with insurance are at risk. The single biggest cause of bankruptcies in the U.S. is health insurance policies that do not cover you when you get sick.
“But instead of working toward the elimination of for-profit insurance, H.R. 3962 would put the government in the role of accelerating the privatization of health care. In H.R. 3962, the government is requiring at least 21 million Americans to buy private health insurance from the very industry that causes costs to be so high, which will result in at least $70 billion in new annual revenue, much of which is coming from taxpayers. This inevitably will lead to even more costs, more subsidies, and higher profits for insurance companies — a bailout under a blue cross.
“By incurring only a new requirement to cover pre-existing conditions, a weakened public option, and a few other important but limited concessions, the health insurance companies are getting quite a deal. The Center for American Progress' blog, Think Progress, states “since the President signaled that he is backing away from the public option, health insurance stocks have been on the rise.” Similarly, healthcare stocks rallied when Senator Max Baucus introduced a bill without a public option. Bloomberg reports that Curtis Lane, a prominent health industry investor, predicted a few weeks ago that “money will start flowing in again” to health insurance stocks after passage of the legislation. Investors.com last month reported that pharmacy benefit managers share prices are hitting all-time highs, with the only industry worry that the Administration would reverse its decision not to negotiate Medicare Part D drug prices, leaving in place a Bush Administration policy.
“During the debate, when the interests of insurance companies would have been effectively challenged, that challenge was turned back. The “robust public option” which would have offered a modicum of competition to a monopolistic industry was whittled down from an initial potential enrollment of 129 million Americans to 6 million. An amendment which would have protected the rights of states to pursue single-payer health care was stripped from the bill at the request of the Administration. Looking ahead, we cringe at the prospect of even greater favors for insurance companies.
“Recent rises in unemployment indicate a widening separation between the finance economy and the real economy. The finance economy considers the health of Wall Street, rising corporate profits, and banks' hoarding of cash, much of it from taxpayers, as sign of an economic recovery. However in the real economy -- in which most Americans live -- the recession is not over. Rising unemployment, business failures, bankruptcies and foreclosures are still hammering Main Street.
“This health care bill continues the redistribution of wealth to Wall Street at the expense of America's manufacturing and service economies which suffer from costs other countries do not have to bear, especially the cost of health care. America continues to stand out among all industrialized nations for its privatized health care system. As a result, we are less competitive in steel, automotive, aerospace and shipping while other countries subsidize their exports in these areas through socializing the cost of health care.
“Notwithstanding the fate of H.R. 3962, America will someday come to recognize the broad social and economic benefits of a not-for-profit, single-payer health care system, which is good for the American people and good for America's businesses, with of course the notable exceptions being insurance and pharmaceuticals.”
Nov 7, 2009
Nov 6, 2009
Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan, the alleged shooter in yesterday's massacre at Fort Hood, played a homeland security advisory role in President Barack Obama's transition into the White House, according to a key university policy institute document.
It's only a matter of time before we discover they shared a sleeping bag at tent school.
Basically, what happened was Hasan attended a meeting of a private organization that gave the transition some unsolicited advice. It's like writing a letter to someone and then being called part of his crew.
This is a sad, sad day for America. While reading an article about the pathetic teabagger protest yesterday in Washington, I came across this gem.
Actor John Ratzenberger, known partly for his role as Cliff Clavin in the 1980s sitcom "Cheers," slammed the Democratic bill as a form of socialism. "These are Woodstock Democrats," he said at the rally. "We have to remember where their philosophy comes from. It doesn't come from America. It comes from overseas. It comes from socialism. And socialism is a philosophy of failure."
Said the guy who played a MAILMAN.
When I want to hear about government action, I look to the guy who played Cliff on Cheers.
Cheers is dead to me.
Nov 5, 2009
The six-month wait is in the health care bill the Senate Finance Committee approved last month. To qualify for the pool, patients must be turned down for coverage because of a pre-existing condition and uninsured for at least six months....
Senate Finance staffers say the restriction is meant to prevent people switching from more expensive coverage to take advantage of government assistance.
Thank God. Could you image if we had the choice to choose to go to the public option? Shiver.
An analysis by the Congressional Budget Office has found that the Republicans' proposed healthcare overhaul would cover just 3 million Americans by 2019, and leave 52 million Americans uninsured -- effectively covering just 5 percent of those who would otherwise be uninsured.
Pow! Suck it Democrats. And to those 52 million uninsured - get a fucking job.
That means 95 percent of those who are uninsured will still be without coverage in 2019.
What’s more, the number of non-elderly Americans lacking insurance would likely remain unchanged from today – with 17 percent of Americans having no health insurance.
God tried to kill Glenn Beck today. Sadly, he failed.
Glenn Beck suffered a sudden attack of appendicitis Wednesday and was taken to an undisclosed hospital to have his appendix removed.
The appendix is the organ that catches all of your stupid that your brain can't process. Obviously, in Glenn's case, it was overwhelmed.
Nov 4, 2009
A cat in Iowa has tested positive for H1N1 Swine Flu, the first time a cat has been diagnosed with the new pandemic strain, the American Veterinary Medical Association said on Wednesday.
Obviously, cats should not fuck pigs. I don't know how many times I have to say that.
The 13-year-old cat apparently caught the virus from one of the people living in the house, the group said in a statement.
Yeah, I'd say that too if I was a pig fucker.
President Barack Obama’s economic recovery program saved 935 jobs at the Southwest Georgia Community Action Council, an impressive success story for the stimulus plan.
BAM! Suck it recession/depression! You've been owned, bitch.
Trouble is, only 508 people work there.
Why you got to go all negative and shit?
About two-thirds of the 14,506 jobs claimed to be saved under one federal office, the Administration for Children and Families at Health and Human Services, actually weren’t saved at all, according to a review of the latest data by The Associated Press. Instead, that figure includes more than 9,300 existing employees in hundreds of local agencies who received pay raises and benefits and whose jobs weren’t saved.
But officials defended the practice of counting raises as saved jobs.“If I give you a raise, it is going to save a portion of your job,” HHS spokesman Luis Rosero said.
A Saudi court has ratified the beheading of a young man who raped five children, among them a three-year-old boy left to die in the desert, with his body to be mounted on a cross and his head stuck on a pole after he is killed.
So, that should take care of that.
The man's body will be put on public display after the beheading.
"He will be beheaded by sword then his body tied to a wooden cross and his head stuck on a pole as a deterrent to other would-be killers."
And to scare the shit out of other children.
During a Sesame Street segment, Oscar finds himself interviewing a puppet celebrity. A crabby viewer calls in to rebuke him after one of his subjects begins kissing him.
“I am changing the channel," the viewer crows. "From now on I am watching ‘Pox’ News. Now there is a trashy news show.”
OH, NO YOU DIDN'T!
Now conservatives are launching attacks. On a puppet.
"If Mom and Dad watch cable news, it’s better than 50/50 they watch 'POX News. So what gives? PBS — a network partially funded with my tax dollars — has the right to tell my kids that their parents watch “trashy” news?"
Are Mom and Dad watching Pox News? Pox? POX.
"The message is clear, I can’t even sit my kids in front of 'Sesame Street' without having to worry about the Left attempting to undermine my authority. And don’t tell me, 'If you don’t like it change the channel.' There are no channels left! It’s everywhere. Just last week I had Obama’s service and volunteerism promoted on every single major network, including Disney and Nickelodeon."
My God, your life is hellish. Maybe you can whip out some old Amos and Andy episodes for them to watch.
One tiny comment. One. And they lose their shit.
Nov 3, 2009
Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) says President Obama has endangered American lives by not doing more to alleviate the nation's short supply of H1N1 vaccine.
"The current administration is solely responsible. They can't blame this on any prior administration," said Wilson. "This is the responsibility of the current administration. They've put the lives of Americans at risk."
Totally. It has nothing to do with the fact that the vaccine is growing at a much slower rate in eggs than normal flu vaccines. But, maybe Joe thinks the president controls vaccine growth rates. And the moon.
The DCCC pointed to a June vote on a supplementary appropriations bill as evidence. Wilson joined 95% of Republicans and voted against the bill, which contained special funding to combat H1N1 both domestically and internationally.
Of course he did.
Wilson has been personally touched by the H1N1 virus. Last week, he sent an email to his district announcing his wife, Roxanne, had been diagnosed with the swine flu and urging his constituents to get vaccinated.
Wilson says he plans to get vaccinated himself, but "only after the majority of Americans" have received the inoculation, he told CNN last week.
So fucking stupid.
Ash said Rogers "sits in his little house in midtown, with his kids who go to school, with his little job...in his little neighborhood," and then, in a startling assertion, accused Rogers of being "blind to all the crime" because Rogers didn't life in a Hispanic neighborhood: "It may not be happening in his neighborhood but you ask any of the brown people who live on the South side, or the West side, or the South Central side of Tucson."
Darkies are not having a good time, buddy! Lighties are totally ignorant about the problems the brown people face.
The world you must live in which allows you to casually use the words "brown people" in conversation is completely alien to me.
Now we wait for the sort of apology.
Nov 2, 2009
Asked whether al-Qaida chief Osama bin Laden could be alive, Bush said “I guess he is not dead.”
Totally miss you and your brain.
He, however, noted that Laden is hiding and “not leading victory parades” or “espousing his cause” on TV.
So true. It sucked when bin Laden had his own talk show and was having all those parades.