Sep 30, 2009

Best Human Ever

I fucking love this guy!

Today's Idiot

Meet Representative Trent Franks of Arizona. Republican and mildly retarded.



"Enemy of humanity." Like, um, dragons?

Sep 29, 2009

The Internets Hate The Dodgers

For those of you who are sports fans, this may amuse. Someone I am acquainted with was buying tickets for the Dodgers playoffs (good fucking luck) and he was asked to enter a couple of words for security purposes.



Truer words have never been written.

Well, This is Fucked Up

I'm not big on conspiracy theories, except for the one that says Obama is a secret dragon, but this is really something. A dude has been tenaciously investigating the Oklahoma City bombing because...well...he has a good reason.
In the July/August 2007 issue of Mother Jones, I wrote about a strange twist in the investigation: the case of a laborer called Kenney Trentadue. His brother Jesse, a Salt Lake City attorney, has accused federal agents of wrongly suspecting Kenney of being John Doe No. 2. When Kenney did not confess to aiding the bombing, Jesse Trentadue alleges, the agents beat him to death in a prison outside Oklahoma City and tried to cover it up by claiming he had killed himself. Kenney's death was indeed ruled as a suicide, but Jesse said his body bore numerous injuries that could not have been entirely self-inflicted. (The government later awarded the Trentadue family a $1.1 million settlement for its handling of the death.)
Um. What? I love that this received no coverage in our great country.

So, dude is clearly motivated to get to the bottom of whatever happened and the security tapes from that day are released and...
Now his search has at last borne some fruit. As the AP reported Sunday, the government has released a set of surveillance tapes filmed moments before the bomb went off—tapes which have, until now, been withheld from the public. When Trentadue looked at footage from the various cameras around the site, he said the tapes had a blank spot in the minutes before the blast—eliminating imagery of the truck carrying the bomb and people in the vehicle. Trentadue concludes that key parts of the tapes have been edited out—an accusation certain to fuel suspicions that the government may have withheld relevant evidence in the case.
I really, really need the second bomber to be Tyler Perry. Oh, Madea! What you do now?

Sep 28, 2009

Don't Forget To Vote!

On whether or not to assassinate the President.



You think we can't get dumber, but then we go and get dumber. We're the dumberest people on the US. Duh. Fart.

Trophy Protester

Pittsburgh cops take a little trophy picture of a protester they arrested.



Stay classy, Pittsburgh!

Sep 26, 2009

I Have a New Enemy!

This is exciting! Someone hates me! Alan Spencer, who is the creator of Sledgehammer and....well...Sledgehammer, has taken a deep dislike of yours truly. He wrote a vicious attack on Facebook today. It delightfully rage filled and seriously not based in reality.

And he also apparently refused to go to a party I was attending a couple of months ago. That's showing me. Junior high lives!

Well, we will see where this exciting feud goes, even though it appears to be a one way situation. I have no idea what I did to make him so angry - and that makes it so much more exciting!He's obviously and intimidating individual!

So, enemy, let's do this! I am ready for your future party avoidance!

God Explains Shit To Iran


God is really, really trying to let Iran know what's up.

Up above a big military parade in Tehran on Tuesday, Sept. 22, as Iranian president declared Iran's armed forces would "chop off the hands" of any power daring to attack his country, two air force jets collided in mid-air. One was Iran's only airborne warning and control system (AWACS) for coordinating long-distance aerial operations, DEBKAfile's military and Iranian sources disclose.

The proud military parade, which included a march-past, a line of Shehab-3 missiles and an air force fly-past, was planned to give Ahmadinejad a dazzling send-off for New York and add steel to his UN Assembly speech Wednesday.

Dubbed "Simorgh" (a flying creature of Iranian fable which performs wonders in mid-flight), the AWACS' appearance, escorted by fighter jets, was to have been the climax for the Iranian Air force's fly-past over the parade. Instead, it collided with one of escorting planes, a US-made F-5E, and both crashed to the ground in flames. All seven crewmen were killed.

Damn. That's not good. Can't really get much worse.
Eye witnesses reported that the flaming planes landed on the mausoleum burial site of the Islamic revolution's founder Ruhollah Khomeini, a national shrine.
OOooooooooooooh. Ouch. Shit landed on the big man. Oh, well, get the next AWACS up and flying. On and upward, as they say.
EBKAfile's military sources say the disaster was a serious blow to the Iranian Air Force not long after its first and only AWACS went into service in April 2008.
Oh, shit.
The loss of this airborne control system has left Iran's air force and air and missile defenses without "electronic eyes" for surveillance of the skies around its borders.
Good luck with that. God is super not into you.

Sep 24, 2009

Insurance Industry Tries To Kill Ted Rall

This pretty much sums up everything that is wrong with the insurance industry.
I got swine flu. Five days later, I was at death's door--because my evil insurance company wouldn't honor my doctor's prescription. Memo to future revolutionaries: if you require a firing squad for the executives of the Health Insurance Plan (HIP) of New York, I'm handy with a rifle.

I wasn't worried at first. A little sneezing, slightly achy joints. I figured it was my usual bout of fall allergies. There's usually nothing to do but suffer. But I felt worse each day: achier, more congested, stiffer, headache, fevers. The third night was bad. I went to bed under a pile of comforters, chattering uncontrollably. Then nightsweats. I checked my temperature: 103.7. When your temperature looks like a classic rock station, it's time to see the doctor.

More..

Lady Grows Extra Hardcore Uterus

Nancy Pelosi steps up.
"And the evidence seems to point, at this caucus that I just went to, that a trigger is an excuse for not doing anything," she said, reports Greg Sargent.

But, reports, The Hill, she said, "I don't even want to talk about a trigger."
Nice. I wonder how long before she gets a call from Rahm at the White House and backs off her tough talk.

Sep 22, 2009

Glenn Beck. The Real Glenn Beck.



Yes, that is a monkey.

If you think about it, he's not doing much different now.

But, it's not all funny. He also had a rivalry going with another local DJ. One day he called the other DJ's wife on the air.

A couple days after Kelly’s wife, Terry, had a miscarriage, Beck called her live on the air and says, ‘We hear you had a miscarriage,’ ” remembers Brad Miller, a former Y95 DJ and Clear Channel programmer. “When Terry said, ‘Yes,’ Beck proceeded to joke about how Bruce [Kelly] apparently can’t do anything right — about he can’t even have a baby.


What's not to love about Glenn?

Stop Socialist Fire Departments

A friend of mine created this Facebook group.

1 Million Strong Against our SOCIALIST Fire Departments

Very amusing.

Some people think it's real.

No Reason To Get Off The Douchebag Train


GOP House Minority Whip Eric Cantor went to a health care reform discussion yesterday and exploded with asshattery when a woman stood up and asked him about her uninsured relative.
The constituent said she has a close relative in her early forties "who did have a wonderful, high-paying job, owns her own home, and is a a real contributing member of society." Then she lost her job and found out she has stomach tumors and needs an operation.

"She has no insurance," the constituent said.

"This person is a very close member of my family," she said. "She's ill. And she has no way to have this operation. So I'm asking you, what would you do if this were your close relative. Your niece, your aunt, your sister or whatever."

Tough question. The honest answer from a Republican would be, "go die." But they aren't big on the truth.

Cantor suggested looking into "an existing government program."

"There are programs, there are charitable organizations, there are hospitals here who do provide charity care," he continued.

Oh. Well, that is pretty much, "Go die."

Nicely done.


Bestest World Leader Of All Time

Boris Motherfucking Yeltsin
Yeltsin was visiting Washington in 1995 when, late at night, Secret Service agents found the Russian president stripped to his underwear and trying to hail a cab on Pennsylvania Avenue. He wanted a pizza, he slurred.
When Boris want pizza, nothing can stop him - not even pants.

Sep 20, 2009

How Did This Turn Out?


An article in the current Vanity Fair describes the state of the country back then. It's shockingly similar to what's going on today.

Not Writing Much

Because I'm taking care of my son during the day.

Turns out watching my spawn is more important than a blog.

I said this would happen a couple of months ago....

Sep 17, 2009

Woman With Crazy Looking Mouth Says Things

Ellen Sauerbrey, who served under Bush as Assistant Secretary of State for Population, Refugees and Migration thinks Obama is quite a bit like Hitler.
The paper reports that Sauerbrey said that President Obama was surrounded by a cult-like following, edging towards that of Juan Peron or Adolf Hitler.
It's a logical conclusion to come to. Anyone with who has approval ratings in the mid-50s in obviously similar to Hitler. Also, Hitler huge on healthcare. That was his "thang." Oh, and killing 6 million Jews.
She said that the Obama administration advanced "fascist, socialist ideals." "I'm really afraid for the future of our country," Sauerbrey told attendees at the annual Lincoln/Reagan Dinner of Sept. 12 in Callaway. "Our Constitution is indeed being dismantled."
Bush made sure our Constitution was super safe. But more importantly....


LOOK AT HER MOUTH! Is it painted on? For God's sake, see a fucking doctor.

Obviously We Need To Get Back To Segregation

Don't know if you heard, but a white kid on a school bus was beaten up by several black kids. It had nothing to do with race. But it's obviously time to segregate school buses.
Referring to an incident in which a white student was beaten by black students on a bus, Limbaugh said: “I think the guy’s wrong. I think not only it was racism, it was justifiable racism. I mean, that’s the lesson we’re being taught here today. Kid shouldn’t have been on the bus anyway. We need segregated buses — it was invading space and stuff. This is Obama’s America.”
Somebody should run for school superintendent. And we need to start talking about separate schools for all races. Also, separate Wal-Marts.

Tea Baggers Mad Becuase Thing They Don't Want To Pay For Doesn't Work Well

Seriously. They were upset with the inadequacies of DC Metro.

Protesters who attended Saturday’s Tea Party rally in Washington found a new reason to be upset: Apparently they are unhappy with the level of service provided by the subway system.

Rep. Kevin Brady asked for an explanation of why the government-run subway system didn’t, in his view, adequately prepare for this past weekend’s rally to protest government spending and government services.

My brain hurts.

“These individuals came all the way from Southeast Texas to protest the excessive spending and growing government intrusion by the 111th Congress and the new Obama administration,” Brady wrote. “These participants, whose tax dollars were used to create and maintain this public transit system, were frustrated and disappointed that our nation’s capital did not make a great effort to simply provide a basic level of transit for them.”

God damn it! Stop taxing me and make shit run better!

Sep 16, 2009

I Miss The Times When Life Was More Simple

Loser!

Nobody likes you.


On the left, the Senate Finance Committee health care reform bill has been ripped apart by (deep breath): Health Care for America Now, AFL-CIO, Sen. Jay Rockefeller, Sen. Roland Burris, Rep. Raul Grijalva, Rep. Anthony Weiner, and, I'm sure, others.
It earned an icy reception from House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and a lukewarm (though overall positive) response from Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the aisle, it's still getting no love on the right. Even from moderate Republicans.

Late update: Despite calling the Baucus plan the "best effort to date", even the Chamber of Commerce has "grave concerns" and says "the bill still needs tremendous improvement."


Nice work. You are officially a moderate.

Sep 11, 2009

Worst Campaign Move Ever


This guy just doesn't get it.
Steve Nunn, a former Kentucky GOP lawmaker and gubernatorial candidate was found by police this afternoon with slit wrists in the cemetery where his parents lie buried. Hours earlier, Nunn's former fiancée had been found shot to death in a Lexington parking lot.
What up, drama queen? Seriously, this will only get you a couple of votes with the murder-suicide base. Other than that, it's kind of a lose/lose.

But, hey, I like a guy who takes risks. Stop All Monsters officially endorses Steve Nunn for Kentucky governor.

Nunn 2008: He will murder you and himself to get it done.

It's True


Indeed. We need more money for edumercation

Sep 10, 2009

Sep 6, 2009

Same Old Peeps Up To The Same Old


Good to see they are changing it up a bit. It's now "socialism."

Sep 4, 2009

Why is Obama Lying To Us?

Recent polls suggest we want a public option.

* The memo cited a CBS poll from September 1st, saying it found strong support for action. What does it say on the public plan? Sixty percent support, 34% oppose.

* The memo cited a CNN poll done through August 31st, saying it found deep public dismay with the system. What does it say on the public plan? Fifty-five percent support, 41% oppose.

* The memo cited a Kaiser poll from August 11th, saying it found overwhelming support for consumer protections. What does it say on the public plan? Fifty nine percent support, 38% oppose.

So, what does the White House do with that information? It lies to you, just like our former president did all the time.

Okay, so the White House is circulating an upbeat polling memo citing a bunch of public surveys showing that public opinion still tilts heavily in Obama’s favor on health care.

The memo, by Obama pollster Joel Benenson, doesn’t mention the public option (the White House may not be committed to it) and largely cites general numbers showing support for action and for Obama’s plan.

It's embarrassing how horrible of a president Obama is turning out to be. I didn't think he was liberal, but I also didn't think he was an incompetent idiot bought by corporations.

The White House memo did cite one poll that didn’t find majority support for the public option: An MSNBC poll that found only 43% support for it. But that’s the one that generated all that controversy because it didn’t tell respondents that the public plan was a “choice.”

To be clear, it’s not surprising that the White House wouldn’t include these numbers, since it’s currently weighing whether to ditch the public option. But the fact that the very same polls the White House is citing also show very strong support for the public option should tell the White House something, shouldn’t it?

Yes, it is. And he's a giant pile of crap. This is going to be a long 3 years. And I mean 3, because he's going to get his ass handed to him next time around. Fucking off your base is a recipe for a crushing.

Our Country Is a Giant Pile of Fuck

Now Obama can't speak to our country's children. Anderson Cooper hands this guy his own asshole on a platter.



He's black, after all.

Sep 3, 2009

How Can We Lose Oklahoma?

Maybe if we tell Oklahoma we'll meet 'em around back, then take off in the Buick. By the time they figure it out (2035) we'll be long gone.

It's only a matter of time before someone starts killin' with a Senator like this.
Inhofe says Obama is doing such a bad job, he's not sure the country will last long enough for when the next Congress is sworn in, in January 2011.

"Every institution that has made this country the greatest nation in the world is under attack," said Inhofe.

Maybe we should build a moat around the EPA, just in case.

And regarding Guantanamo Bay, Inhofe said: "I don't know why President Obama is obsessed with turning terrorists loose in America."

Just like I don't know why you can't read.

If your elected leader is that crazy, you really have no chance.

Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?


Ben Stein is a living atrocity. Someone should cut his face off.
We have … an entire party, the Democrats, whose primary constituency, besides the teachers' unions, is homosexual men and lesbian women. I hope it won't come as a surprise to anyone that a big part of male homosexual behavior is interest in young boys.
Wow. I'm gonna need to find a dude to rub up against.
Don't get me wrong. My very best friend is gay
Define "best friend." Do you shower with your best friend? Do you talk to him? Does he know you hate gays? Also, do you shower with your best friend?

It Starts With a Finger

It was only a matter of time before the health care debate led to people losing their fingers.
A KTLA report from a health care rally near Los Angeles last night may not include gun-toting protesters, but it does describe another sort of weapon: teeth. As in, a pro-reform protester used his teeth to bite off the finger of an anti-reformer.
Welcome to the jungle, bitch.
But blogging at DrumsNWhistles, Karoli, who says she was at the rally, said it was the anti-reformer who punched the pro-reformer: "He punched him in the face, knocked him to the ground" The pro-reformer got up, and there was a scuffle. When it broke up, the pro-reformer crossed the street and joined his compatriots.Karoli writes: "When he gets to our side, he tells a story in one sentence: 'He punched me hard, straight in the face, so I bit his finger off.'"
Wow. Those are weird rules you play by. Remind me to never look at you strangely.
Eric Ingemunson at RedCounty has more details from the rally. After speaking to several eyewitnesses, Ingemunson says the finger-biter apparently went nose-to-nose with the anti-reformer "and sneered, 'You're an idiot.'"

At that point, I'm told the victim either swung at or pushed his assailant's face away with an open hand, and his finger entered his mouth.

"It was a defensive strike," said Scott Bush, who witnessed the altercation. He said the assailant approached him in an unpredictable and threatening manner.

The MoveOn.org protester then allegedly bit off the finger up to the first knuckle, and spat it into the street where it was recovered by Bush.

"I picked it up and it had a piece of gravel stuck on it," he said. Bush rushed it to the hospital.
Another problem solved by our awesome private health care system. If we had socialized health care, they would have fed the finger to the dogs out back.

Sep 1, 2009

Sam Seder Explains Health Care To A Rich Baby



I want my stuff is something a lot of us learned to overcome in the sandbox.