Sep 30, 2008

Bestest Candidate Nominee

Ah, we haven't had one of these in a while. I'd like to introduce you to Bestest Candidate Nominee Jeff Taylor. Jeff won the GOP nomination for the 17th Congressional District. He was excited and raring to go.
I have announced my intention to run for Congress in our 17th Congressional District. I am passionate about my decision, and I am asking you to join me on this journey. I cherish you as my family and friends and I could not have the courage to do this with out all the great support you have given me through out the years.
Sadly, the dream died. Why? Because of big government and families.
Republican congressional candidate Jeff Taylor said Thursday he is quitting the Republican Party because it has turned away from the family and small-government values he admires.
Word. Once the Republicans turned away from "family values," I know I...wait, what the fuck?
Taylor said he is still running for Congress, but that he would dedicate his campaign efforts now to passing Proposition 8, the ballot measure that would amend the state constitution to make it impossible for same-sex couples to marry.

"Proposition 8 has always been my main core issue," said Taylor.
Oh, it's the "gays." I gotcha, bro. "Core issue." I'll see you are 8 in the park.

And the Dems get a free ride in CA-17.

Al Davis: Demon

Al Davis is the owner of the Oakland Raiders. He is also a demon. Clearly.


Seriously, how long before that thing sheds its human skin and flies away?

The Female George Bush Is Actually Worse Than The Real George Bush

Seriously. Fucking. Scary.

Watch.

You must watch this video. Ten minutes long. Totally worth it.

How The Female George Bush Wins Debates

A guy who found himself running against the Female George Bush explains how she wins debates.
I should know. I've debated Governor Palin more than two dozen times. And she's a master, not of facts, figures, or insightful policy recommendations, but at the fine art of the nonanswer, the glittering generality. Against such charms there is little Senator Biden, or anyone, can do.

On April 17, 2006, Palin and I participated in a debate at the University of Alaska in Fairbanks on agriculture issues. The next day, the Fairbanks Daily News Miner published this excerpt:

"Andrew Halcro, a declared independent candidate from Anchorage, came armed with statistics on agricultural productivity. Sarah Palin, a Republican from Wasilla, said the Matanuska Valley provides a positive example for other communities interested in agriculture to study."

On April 18, 2006, Palin and I sat together in a hotel coffee shop comparing campaign trail notes. As we talked about the debates, Palin made a comment that highlights the phenomenon that Biden is up against.

"Andrew, I watch you at these debates with no notes, no papers, and yet when asked questions, you spout off facts, figures, and policies, and I'm amazed. But then I look out into the audience and I ask myself, 'Does any of this really matter?' " Palin said.

Guess what? During this time period, all people want are specifics and answers. I does not matter when all is well, like during the Female George Bush's rise in Alaskan politics. But people were upset about the lack of specifics from both Obama and McCain on the economy. They aren't interested. And you can be sure the moderater will press her for more answers, based on her recent interviews. She is like red meat to a reporter right now.

Palin is a master of the nonanswer. She can turn a 60-second response to a query about her specific solutions to healthcare challenges into a folksy story about how she's met people on the campaign trail who face healthcare challenges. All without uttering a word about her public-policy solutions to healthcare challenges.

In one debate, a moderator asked the candidates to name a bill the legislature had recently passed that we didn't like. I named one. Democratic candidate Tony Knowles named one. But Sarah Palin instead used her allotted time to criticize the incumbent governor, Frank Murkowski. Asked to name a bill we did like, the same pattern emerged: Palin didn't name a bill.

That's exactly what we've seen in interviews. It's what people are expected and what they consider to be the ugly side of her.

This is going to be amusing.

Our Future War With Pakistan: Update

Good news!
A U.S. pilotless drone fired two missiles at a house in northwest Pakistan killing five people, Pakistani intelligence agency officials said Wednesday.

In the latest attack, a drone fired two missiles at a house near the town of Mir Ali in North Waziristan, at about midnight Tuesday, two intelligence agency officials said.

Just think how happy we would be if Mexico was sending planes to bomb Arizona and kill "rebels." We wouldn't care, right?

The government says the strikes are an infringement of Pakistani sovereignty.

Mostly because that is exactly what they are.

U.S. commanders have spoken of respect for Pakistan's sovereignty but have suggested they will not stop cross-border strikes on militants.

So, they don't have respect.

The Female George Bush Turns Out To Be Every Idiot On A Message Board



I must have argued with her one million times online.

Epic FAIL.

Pirate Update!


It's hard to keep up with pirate news, that's why I recommend you read this blog. The latest pirate situation involves Somali pirates who have taken a ship and are holding it for ransom. The US Navy has surrounded the ship and is negotiating with the pirates for hostages.

But now the pirates are getting really piraty and killing each other.

The pirates are holding 20 crew members and demanding $20 million ransom.

In the latest twist, the AP quotes a U.S. defense official as saying a disagreement among the pirates prompted a shootout that left three pirates dead.
Yay! Now you're acting like pirates!
But the AP, in contact with the pirates by satellite phone quotes a pirate spokesman as denying the report, saying his colleagues were simply celebrating the Muslim feast of Eid al-Fitr.

“We didn’t dispute over a single thing, let alone have a shootout,” pirate spokesman Sugule Ali told The AP. “We are happy on the ship and we are celebrating Eid. “Nothing has changed.”

Boo! You are pussy pirates. Oh, and happy Eid! Allah would be proud.

Gorbachev Asks Putin To Kill Him


I'm not sure what Gorbachev is thinking, but he seemed like a really nice guy.
Former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev will join forces with Russian tycoon Alexander Lebedev to launch a new political party independent of the Kremlin, the billionaire businessman said on Tuesday.
How long before he trips and falls into a vat of uranium?
Though hugely admired in the West, he is deeply unpopular at home for presiding over the 1991 break-up of the Soviet Union that led to economic and political chaos. When he last ran for president, in 1996, he won just half a percent of the vote.
Oh, never mind. He's the Ron Paul of Russia.

The Beck and Goldberg Hour!


Glenn Beck is the biggest idiot in television and radio. That is saying a lot, yet it is true. The man is a clown stuffed in a monkey stuffed in a retard. Today he had Jonah Goldberg on. You may know Jonah as the man who blamed Italian fascism on unions and whose mother taped Monica Lewinski's phone calls while pretending to be her friend. What you are about to read is a conversation between two men who are pure filth.

BECK: I can’t look at Barney Frank any more. I can’t take it.

GOLDBERG: I almost think he should be in jail! I almost think the guy should be in jail!

BECK: Oh I do too! I absolutely do. I think — honestly, I think we should have at least, bare minimum, we should have stockades in front of the Capitol building. Some of these people are out and out criminals on what they have done. […]

GOLDBERG: It is an incredibly poisonous situation. You know in the middle ages, Harry Reid would have his stomach cut open and a half-starved weasel thrown in, for the kinds of things he’s doing. It’s outrageous!


Ha! Yes! Kill the Majority Leader of the United States Senate! Weeeeeeeeee! And when you're done, maybe your mommy can convince someone to not wash a dress that has semen on it.

(Someone should note here that the Senate was not involved in yesterday's vote)

Female George Bush Brings Her Daddy To Help


Watching the McCain-Female George Bush campaign is like watching a car crash fall on top of a train wreck. After last week's disastrous interview with Katie Couric, they thought the best way to deal with it was to come back - but this time with McCain. So, now it appears like the Female George Bush needs her daddy at her side to do an interview.

Couric: Is that something you shouldn't say out loud, Sen. McCain?

John McCain: Of course not. But, look, I understand this day and age of “gotcha” journalism. Is that a pizza place? In a conversation with someone who you didn’t hear … the question very well, you don’t know the context of the conversation, grab a phrase. Gov. Palin and I agree that you don’t announce that you’re going to attack another country …

[…]

Couric: What did you learn from that experience?

Palin: That this is all about “gotcha” journalism. A lot of it is. But that’s okay, too.

That's what my Daddy said!

The amazing this about that exchange is McCain is referring to some random voter at a pizza place asking a legitimate question. So, now voters on the street are practicing "gotcha" journalism.

Female George Bush Tries To Kill Pakistani President

The Female George Bush was meeting with foreign leaders this week in a pathetic attempt to pretend like she knows anything about the world. During her meeting with Pakistani president Asif Ali Zardari, she obviously gave the guy a "fuck me' look because he almost raped her.
When Zardari was asked to keep shaking hands with Palin for the cameras, he said, "If he's (the aide) insisting, I might hug you."
Heyooooo. What the fuck? At least someone has a handle on the situation.

Pakistan President Asif Ali Zardari seems to be heading towards fresh trouble as the prayer leader of the Lal Masjid in the heart of Islamabad has issued a fatwa against him.

He said the act was un-Islamic and unbecoming of a head of state of a Muslim country.

Maulana also said that Zardari shamed the entire Pakistani by publicly making indecent gestures towards Palin in Washington last Thursday.
So there. He's got a 97% chance of dying because Palin made sex eyes at him.

English Version of Russia's Pravda Breaks Down Palin

I cannot disagree with a word in this article.
Savage animal slaughterer that she is, it’s apt that Sarah Palin has now brutally plunged a razor-sharp knife into the very heart of the seemingly invincible doubts concerning her capacity to be Vice-President of the United States. Wielding her chutzpah with the awe-inspiring deftness with which she employs her gun or rifle when hunting defenseless wolves or moose, she appeared on 20/20 and left our skepticism writhing on the ground in agony, immersed in its own blood and gasping its last.

Sarah Palin is the person we need (and deserve) to lead us on our incessant quest for global hegemony and in our ongoing orgiastic gang rape of the Earth. A former beauty pageant contestant noted for her fierce competitiveness who would easily qualify as a MILF in the pornography industry and who takes great pride in her capacity to stick her head up her ass and go for it instead of “blinking,” this “lipstick pitbull” embodies nearly all that we worship in a nation fueled principally by narcissism, arrogance, willful ignorance, and belligerence.
I kind of feel like the Russians are making fun of us. Just a bit.

Sep 29, 2008

Sweet Jesus, Let It Out Already


People are whispering about more Female George Bush clips from her interview with Katie Couric. Apparently, this gem is in there.
Of concern to McCain's campaign, however, is a remaining and still-undisclosed clip from Palin's interview with Couric last week that has the political world buzzing.

The Palin aide, after first noting how "infuriating" it was for CBS to purportedly leak word about the gaffe, revealed that it came in response to a question about Supreme Court decisions.

After noting Roe vs. Wade, Palin was apparently unable to discuss any major court cases.

There was no verbal fumbling with this particular question as there was with some others, the aide said, but rather silence.

Oh, God, GIVE IT TO ME! MUST HAVE!

Time To Buy A Used Car

Let's Wal Mart The Shit Out Of Healthcare

Seriously, great fucking plan.



I love it! And there can be a baby delivery aisle! And an unnecessary hysterectomy department!

You go, John!

How's Your Meltdown Going?

Mines going okay. Anyone with a Bank of America credit card should start to worry, though
BoA to close credit cards for approximately 60% of customers?

"I work in Credit Department at BoA (Senior Level Credit Analysist Boa Bldg 3rd fl, Char, NC). We just received memo indicating that all BoA credit cards are being closed as of 10/1. Credit score and income do not matter, all accounts are closed as of 10/1." Executive VP Bank of America

"This is true, but not as bad as he/she says. We are closing accounts, but only ones with credit scores under 750. We will reopen cards within a year as long as crisis lessens." - J.mcmanus / VP Credit Dept BOA

iReport Sept. 28, 2008

AntiSpin: We do not have independent confirmation but if true the event is significant – the number of credit card holders with scores under 750 is 60% percent of the population.
I'm over 750, so suck it. I would expect most credit card companies to begin dumping customers now.

iTulip is the awesomist business website online. They predicted all of this shit years ago.

Video Evidence That McCain is an Idiot



Snap.

McCain Plane is Dowdless

Apparently, the Straight Talk Express has banned New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd from McCain's plane.
The company may have been more pleasant than that of McCain aides, who have barred Dowd from the candidate's plane.
I'd like to ban Dowd from my plane, you know what I'm saying? Seriously, I think she's an idiot and I wouldn't want her on my plane.

But it's still amusing that tough guy McCain can't handle Maureen.

Curiosity Is A Wonderful Thing


Some people are curious about what make a clock tick, others are curious about the existence of man, and then there is Fort Mill, SC Mayor Danny Funderburk. He's curious about whether or not Barack Obama is the anti-Christ.
Fort Mill Mayor Danny Funderburk says he was “just curious” when he forwarded a chain e-mail suggesting Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama is the biblical antichrist. “I was just curious if there was any validity to it,” Funderburk said in a telephone interview. “I was trying to get documentation if there was any scripture to back it up.”
That's weird. I was just curious about whether or not you were a fucking idiot and I just received documentation that proves you are.

The e-mail, which has circulated in the last six months since Obama secured the Democratic nomination, claims the biblical book of Revelation says the antichrist will be in his 40s and of Muslim ancestry.

There is no such scripture. And Obama is not a Muslim. But that hasn’t stopped the e-mail.

Oh, so you're not so much curious, as you are a racist asshole. Well, those two things are often confused.

How To Get Fired GOP Style

One of the best ways for a Republican communications director to get fired is to say openly what Republicans usually say behind closed doors.

"We don't want (Hispanics) to become the new African-American community," Lima told The Associated Press. "And that's what the Democratic Party is going to do to them, create more programs and give them handouts, food stamps and checks for this and checks for that. We don't want that."

"I'm very much afraid that the Democratic Party is going to do the same thing that they did with the African-American culture and make them all dependent on the government and we don't want that," she said.

Didi Lima is no longer the Clark County GOP communications director. But her name is still Didi, so she's got that going for her.

Sep 28, 2008

Denver Cops Are Awesomely Horrible

After beating and harassing protesters during the Democratic National Convention, Denver cops had some T-shirts made to commemorate their horribleness.


Denver's police union is facing criticism for printing a commemorative T-shirt that makes light of the use of violence by police, particularly in the wake of 154 arrests during the week of Democratic National Convention this past August.
Well done. You guys are heroes.

The New Yorker Insults Finland

This is really not cool.
The second installment of Katie Couric’s interview with Sarah Palin aired last night. The whole thing reads like something rendered from the Finnish by Google Translate.
Why does The New Yorker hate the Finnish?

Blackbeard Never Had To Deal With This Shit

Pirating ain't what it used to be. Back in the old days, all you had to worry about was taking a musket ball in the neck, getting stabbed in your sleep or syphilis. Oh, how times have changed.
A tense standoff has developed in waters off Somalia over an Iranian merchant ship laden with a mysterious cargo that was hijacked by pirates.

Somali pirates suffered skin burns, lost hair and fell gravely ill “within days” of boarding the MV Iran Deyanat. Some of them died.
I'm guessing it's not wheat.
Andrew Mwangura, the director of the East African Seafarers’ Assistance Programme, told the Sunday Times: “We don’t know exactly how many, but the information that I am getting is that some of them had died. There is something very wrong about that ship.”

The vessel’s declared cargo consists of “minerals” and “industrial products”. But officials involved in negotiations over the ship are convinced that it was sailing for Eritrea to deliver small arms and chemical weapons to Somalia’s Islamist rebels.
Arg.

Sep 27, 2008

Now That Is Some Serious Anal

And old man went to the hospital and got some awesome news.
A patient treated for agonizing abdominal pain received some surprising news in paperwork issued by an Oregon hospital.

It read: "Based on your visit today, we know you are pregnant." Surprising indeed for 71-year-old John Grady Pippen.

The staff at Curry General Hospital in Gold Beach, Oregon, gave the retired mechanic and logger the ridiculously happy news this month, along with some pain pills.

Congrats, gramps. That must have been one hell of a buggering you were on the wrong end of.

Hospital administrator William McMillan says an errant keystroke caused the hospital's computer to spit out the wrong discharge instructions for the grandfather.

Boo. That's pretty fucked up. Getting the old guys hopes up, then dashing 'em. He must feel like he got pregnant and had an abortion in one day.

McCain: Working His Ass Off

Thirty-eight days out - but it's a weekend. That means Johnny needs a nap.

Campaign Events: September 28, 2008



Joe Biden

Barack Obama

Michelle Obama

Notice who isn't on the "working" list? Palin is preparing for her debate, while Johnny is taking his usual weekend break. He doesn't campaign on weekends. Old and lazy, now that is what we need in a president.

McCain Continues On Path To President of Train Wreckistan

Well, what to do when you just lost the one debate you had to win, you shut down the bailout negotiations for political posturing, said you weren't going to the debate then showed up, you have a Vice President who conservatives are telling to go away and you are behind in the polls?

How about a kick-ass, shotgun, teenage wedding?
In an election campaign notable for its surprises, Sarah Palin, the Republican vice- presidential candidate, may be about to spring a new one -- the wedding of her pregnant teenage daughter to her ice-hockey-playing fiancé before the November 4 election.

Inside John McCain's campaign the expectation is growing that there will be a popularity boosting pre-election wedding in Alaska between Bristol Palin, 17, and Levi Johnston, 18, her schoolmate and father of her baby. "It would be fantastic," said a McCain insider. "You would have every TV camera there. The entire country would be watching. It would shut down the race for a week."

They are making that retarded baby look like the smartest one of the bunch. Here's a tip: The country will not be watching. They will be staring at the financial meltdown wondering why you assholes give a shit about a bullshit wedding in Alaska. And if "every TV camera" were there, the anchors would not be able to report the story back at CNN headquarters. Maybe you meant to say, "Every news channel," but you didn't because you're an idiot.

You know your campaign is on fire when you are relying on a pregnant teenager's wedding to give you a boost.

Female George Bush is Toast

Sounds like she is going down hard.
The campaign has held a mock debate and a mock press conference; both are being described as "disastrous." One senior McCain aide was quoted as saying, "What are we going to do?" The McCain people want to move this first debate to some later, undetermined date, possibly never. People on the inside are saying the Alaska Governor is "clueless."
This is being leaked to the media because people in the campaign want her gone. There is probably quite a battle going on and if she is as bad as they say, then the campaign could end on Thursday after the VP debate.

They may have to nip this shit in the bud before then.

Monkey Debate Rankings

They are finally in.
I think people really are missing the point about McCain's failure to look at Obama. McCain was afraid of Obama. It was really clear--look at how much McCain blinked in the first half hour. I study monkey behavior--low ranking monkeys don't look at high ranking monkeys. In a physical, instinctive sense, Obama owned McCain tonight and I think the instant polling reflects that.
So, there you go. The monkey decision goes to the king monkey, Obama.

Wait, that just got really weird.

Sep 26, 2008

What Obama Is Up Against

Kentucky:



I would totally hit that. If I wasn't married. And hated myself.

Debate Pre-Chat

Many people have high expectations for a Obama crushing of McCain tonight, but I wouldn't get too excited. Debates are often decided ahead of time through people's expectations. When Bush debated Gore, people thought so little of Bush, that he was declared the victor of two debates because he did not shit himself on stage.

Expect the same out of tonight. Obama is not a great debater. He is okay. He is a tremendous speaker, but tends to hem and haw a bit too much during debates. He does not always speak clearly and concisely and is far from a word economist, which always wins the day.

The only real hope for Obama is that McCain looks old. If McCain comes across confused at any part during this debate, it's over. He knows how to speak simply and calmly and I think McCain will be shot up full of the closest thing we have to legal meth to keep him on his game. He will probably have a tough time with Jim Lehrer, who asks good questions and knows how to follow up.

But I would expect a draw at the end of the night - because of expectations.

Oh, and keep an eye on McCain's left eye. There is something weird going on. It's been drooping and closing at odd times. That's where his melanoma was, so some doctors have been expressing concern. If it is very visible, he's toast.

I will be watching the debate at an Al Franken fundraiser, so no comments until I am good and drunk afterward.

Cafferty Rips Palin Six or Seven New Assholes

This is priceless.

John McCain Has A Cancer Head

MSNBC yanked this ad because of complaints.



I believe it is something that should be discussed.

I Like This Guy

Bush And Republicans Are Monsters

While we are giving $700 billion to the rich, we should also block any help to the poor. That's called America.
The White House Office of Management and Budget (OMB) released a statement of administrative policy today recommending Bush veto a proposed second stimulus package. The $56.2 billion package, announced yesterday, would extend unemployment benefits for seven weeks, increas food stamp benefits by 10 percent, and provide $50 million for food banks, among other proposals. This afternoon, Senate conservatives successfully blocked the bill, as the motion to proceed won 52 votes, eight shy of the necessary 60.
Suck it, you poor fucks.
PERINO: There’s some elements of the package that have been put forward by Democrats that we do not think would be stimulative to the economy, such as unemployment insurance. The food stamps, we believe we have met the need.
Uh, "stimulate the economy?" That not why you give people unemployment insurance. You do that so they don't become homeless and commit crimes.

Now can we get back to giving rich people shitloads of money?

Sweet Jesus, It Has Finally Happened

LED ZEPPELIN to Tour in 2009 !

MUSIC NEWS - The UK press is reporting today that Led Zeppelin will reform for a major tour in 2009 ! Just last week, it was said that Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones were so determined to tour as Led Zeppelin, they were even considering hiring a new singer (like YES and QUEEN). According to the British, The Sun newspaper, such a shocker convinced singer Robert Plant to commit to a tour. A source is quoted as saying: "The rest of the band had all but given up on Robert joining them, but they were determined to go ahead so had started to seriously explore other avenues. "When Robert realized the band were serious about doing it without him, it made him think long and hard. "He realized he couldn't face the thought of not being involved. The band were over the moon when he told them the news. "They are now forging ahead with the tour plans and they can't wait to get on the road." The tour is rumored for summer 2009 (can anyone say- STADIUMS), and follows on Led Zeppelin's reunion show at London's O2 Arena in December 2007. For most of 2008, Plant had been concentrating on touring for his duet album with Alison Kraus, Raising Sand. The band will be joined by drummer Jason Bonham, son of original drummer John Bonham (who died at age 32). We look forward to an itinerary and ticket sale dates !!

McCain Offends An Entire Country

Well, being of Irish blood, I don't really care about this, but some people are apparently quite pissed.



It was a great meeting but when you began your speech with a joke about the Irish, I and many of our fellow Irish Americans in the Ancient Order of Hibernians, were shocked. It was really an insult to a whole nationality to be stereotyped as drunks.

McCain is just an old idiot. And we've had enough idiots in the White House for a while.

The Ad Went Up A Bit Early

Someone didn't check the date on this one.


Congrats on your time travel, weird smiling dude!

Sep 25, 2008

Seriously, Republicans Are Insane

Gambling with the economy, when everything else you've done has been completely wrong? Smart.
"At the end of the day, there's a lot of people thinking about how to rebuild this party," said strategist Ed Rollins on CNN, "and do we want to rebuild it with John McCain, who's always kind of questionable on the basic facts of fiscal control, all the rest of it, immigration. And I think to a certain extent this 110, 115 members of this study group are saying, here's the time to draw the line in the sand."

"That's pretty scary stuff that they're thinking about party right now and not country, is that what you're saying?" responded host Anderson Cooper.

"I think they're, yes, they're thinking about themselves," said Rollins. "I think they don't think that the threat is as great as a lot of other people do."
Do we get to cut their heads off with a guillotine if this doesn't work out?

Here's What Happened.

A quick summary of the Republican economic car crash by Mother Jones.

The Senate Democrats, Senate Republicans, and House Democrats spent the week negotiating with Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson and the White House. Senate Democrats and Senate Republicans announced this morning that they had agreed on key principles. In a White House meeting this afternoon with all parties, including Barack Obama and John McCain, House Republicans hijacked the process by submitting an entirely new plan that no one had seen before. John McCain hasn't made his position clear, but has reportedly been huddling with House Republicans and places his sympathies with their plan, which can be found here.

It actually says, "Instead of injecting taxpayer capital into the market to produce liquidity, private capital can be drawn into the market by removing regulatory and tax barriers that are currently blocking private capital formation." That is, more deregulation.

While Democrats and Republicans are fighting about whether or not House Republicans stalled the bailout's progress so John McCain could be seen as a key player in a solution tomorrow or over the weekend, no one seems to be disputing that House Republicans are the reason a week's worth of work is in jeopardy. Here's an ABC report of a frantic Paulson after the unsuccessful White House meeting:

Paulson walked into the room where Democrats were caucusing after today's meeting at the White House and pleaded with them, "Please don't blow this up."
Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass., chair of the House Financial Services Committee was livid saying, "Don't say that to us after all we've been through!"
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said, "We're not the ones trying to blow this up; it's the House Republicans."
"I know, I know," Paulson replied.
So, the same right wing lunatics who have destroyed this country are now holding us hostage. Oh, and they are okay with another Great Depression.
According to one GOP lawmaker, some House Republicans are saying privately that they’d rather “let the markets crash” than sign on to a massive bailout.

“For the sake of the altar of the free market system, do you accept a Great Depression?” the member asked.
Um. No. Do you think that if the system collapses we will turn into a socialist country? I do.

Our Coming War With Pakistan: Update


Wow, two updates in one day. Things are heating up.
U.S. and Pakistani forces exchanged gunfire Thursday along the Afghan border, military officials said, as tensions over American incursions into Pakistan flared.

The incident began, U.S. officials said, when forces from a Pakistani outpost fired on two Kiowa OH-58 reconnaissance helicopters. That touched off a five-minute small-arms fight when a ground unit made up of Afghan and U.S. forces returned fire, U.S. military officials said.
Sweet.

Ahem. I Called It.

Fuck. I am good. I called it on August 20th.
Washington Mutual, the giant lender that came to symbolize the excesses of the mortgage boom, was seized by federal regulators on Thursday night, in what is by far the largest bank failure in American history.
You really should read this blog more often. I am like some sort of sage.

I Believe The Kids Call This "Pwned."


Hee.

This is What Happens When You Piss Everybody Off

No worries, right?
Russia will give Venezuela a credit for $US 1 billion, a Kremlin source said to RIA Novosti news agency. The money will give a boost to the military co-operation between the two countries.

The unnamed insider said Venezuela has signed a total of 12 contracts for arms supply worth more then $US 4.4 BLN over the course of 2005-2007. All the deliveries are ‘in full accordance with the international regulations and legal norms,’ the official said.

Venezuela has become a major buyer of Russian military hardware recently. Caracas has purchased 100,000 AK-103 assault rifles along with 40 Su-30MK2 jet fighters and about 50 combat helicopters, says Interfax-military news agency. On the future shopping list are 20 Tor-M1 air defence systems and three or more submarines.
We win! Suck it, bitch!

Vote McCain and Stop The Giant Head

Republicans Blow It In The Name of McCain

Gee, I wonder how this will end up?
ABC News' George Stephanopoulos Reports: Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson fears the Wall Street bailout deal is falling apart after a chaotic White House meeting, sources say.

Paulson walked into the room where Democrats were caucusing after today's meeting at the White House and pleaded with them, "Please don't blow this up."

Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass., chair of the House Financial Services Committee was livid saying, "Don't say that to us after all we've been through!"

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said, "We're not the ones trying to blow this up; it's the House Republicans."

"I know, I know," Paulson replied.
Hmmm, think John McCain will suddenly "save the day?"

Zogby Retires From Polling

I can't interpret this any other way.
John Zogby, president of Zogby International, told a group of businesspeople today that it’s up to Democratic Sen. Barack Obama to convince voters to go with him. If he’s not successful, the country will likely vote for “a comfortable old shoe”, that being Republican Sen. John McCain.

Despite the books Obama has written, Americans are still asking, “Who are you, where are you from?,” Zogby said.

Zogby spoke at the College at Brockport’s Business Briefings breakfast series at the college’s MetroCenter campus on St. Paul Street. He was promoting his new book, The Way We’ll Be: The Zogby Report of the Transformation of the American Dream.
It was nice knowing you, Zog.

Bin Laden Wins!


Congrats, Osama. You did one hell of a job, much like the great idiot Reagan did with the Soviet Union. From a bin Laden speech in 2004.
And even more dangerous and bitter for America is that the Mujahedin recently forced Bush to resort to emergency funds to continue the fight in Afghanistan and Iraq which is evidence of the success of the bleed-until-bankruptcy plan with Allah’s permission… And it all shows that the real loser is… you. It’s the American people and their economy.
Bleed us dry you did. Well done.

John McCain Destroying Bailout Deal

What a complete and total asshole.
House Republicans say that Senate leaders spoke too soon when they said a deal had been reached on a Wall Street bailout package.

In addition, a key Republican lawmaker stated that Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) wants to explore new ideas, like loaning money to financial institutions or insuring the companies, rather than buying their toxic debt.

Johnny has to look like he rode in on his white horse and saved the day. All indications were a deal was progressing nicely, then idiot McCain pretended to throw himself on a grenade. Now Republicans have to make his stupid bailing from the debates move look good - and the only way to do that is to pretend like he knows something about the economy.

"We would prefer a loan or supplying insurance,” Bachus told reporters. “These are the ideas Sen. McCain tried to maximize. He feels strongly we have to design a program where taxpayers won't lose."

Bachus, wearing a “McCain-Palin” lapel pin, said he’d talked to McCain on Wednesday night and had breakfast with McCain’s advisers Wednesday morning.

This is embarrassing.

Asked about Bachus’s ideas, Frank questioned why Bachus hadn’t mentioned them in negotiations.

“I’m disappointed he wouldn’t have raised them in the meeting,” Frank said.

Yeah, well, this is all about polticis and setting McCain up to be the hero, nothing else. Complete and total selfish asshole.

End result: McCain doesn't show up for the debate and looks like a coward. Good luck with that, hero.

Free Market, Kick Ass and Taking Names

Well, while we were giving Wall Street $700 billion, someone slipped the auto industry a few billion.
In the next few years, consumers could see the fruits of $25 billion in government loans for the auto industry through a broader lineup of gas-electric hybrid vehicles, new plug-in electric cars and an expansion of fuel-efficient engines.

The loans, approved by the House as part of a larger spending bill Wednesday, are intended to help the industry refurbish decades-old plants and develop advanced batteries and gas-electric hybrids. The loans are a major win for General Motors, Ford and Chrysler, who lobbied for the funding as they dealt with a sluggish economy and weak sales.

Is everybody enjoying capitalism?

Our Future War With Pakistan: Update


Well, these updates are coming fast and furious. Maybe we should begin a countdown to the war kick off date. Today, we suspended visa services.

The United States on Thursday suspended visa services at consular offices in Pakistan citing deepening concerns over security in the wake of the deadly bombing of the Marriott Hotel in Islamabad, the State Department said.

"Consular services have been temporarily suspended as of today," State Department spokesman Robert Wood said.

"We are very concerned about the security situation. We had the attack on the Marriott Hotel almost a week ago, and it's of great concern," he said.

Oh, good. Hey, why were all those Marines in the Marriott before it blew up? And what was in those big metal containers they brought in?

Female George Bush Speaking In Tongues

We've all heard rumors that people in the Female George Bush's church speak in tongues and today we actually got to see it. During the second part of the Katie Couric interview, the Female George Bush began speaking in tongues. Here's her response to a question on how the bailout will help America:
"That's why I say I, like every American I'm speaking with, were ill about this position that we have been put in. Where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy. Um, helping, oh, it's got to be about job creation, too. Shoring up our economy, and getting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions, and tax relief for Americans, and trade -- we have got to see trade as opportunity, not as, uh, competitive, um, scary thing, but one in five jobs created in the trade sector today. We've got to look at that as more opportunity. All of those things under the umbrella of job creation."
Gobley goo. It's like someone hit a retard in the head with a hammer.

Hello, End of It All. My Name Is Larry.

Well, this isn't a good sign, is it?
Chinese regulators have told domestic banks to stop interbank lending to U.S. financial institutions to prevent possible losses during the financial crisis, the South China Morning Post reported on Thursday.

"The decree appears to be Beijing's first attempt to erect defences against the deepening U.S. financial meltdown after the mainland's major lenders reported billions of U.S. dollars in exposure to the
credit crisis," the SCMP said.
They shut down our money hose. Booooooooo.

The Female George Bush Will Not Stop Making Me Happy

This woman is the gift that keeps on giving. Holy shit. Please take a look at this sweet, sweet AP headline.

Palin once blessed to be free from 'witchcraft'

Of course she was. What medieval queen has not been blessed to ward off witches?
A grainy YouTube video surfaced Wednesday showing Sarah Palin being blessed in her hometown church three years ago by a Kenyan pastor who prayed for her protection from "witchcraft" as she prepared to seek higher office.

The video shows Palin standing before Bishop Thomas Muthee in the pulpit of the Wasilla Assembly of God church, holding her hands open as he asked Jesus Christ to keep her safe from "every form of witchcraft."

"Come on, talk to God about this woman. We declare, save her from Satan," Muthee said as two attendants placed their hands on Palin's shoulders. "Make her way my God. Bring finances her way even for the campaign in the name of Jesus. ... Use her to turn this nation the other way around."

I think the AP should have gone with the headline, "I shit you not."

Please, Please, Please, Please, Please

Right wing idiots are out of their fucking minds. National Review Online:

Since Obama Seems to Want to Go On with the Debate. Many readers relay that they'd like McCain to just offer Palin step in for him.

Oh, sweet Jesus, yes. How insanely deluded are these people? They actually believe Palin is not a complete and total moron. Please, please let her step in.

Sep 24, 2008

Female George Bush Don't Know Nothing


This lady is an epic idiot.
COURIC: You've said, quote, "John McCain will reform the way Wall Street does business." Other than supporting stricter regulations of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac two years ago, can you give us any more example of his leading the charge for more oversight?

PALIN: I think that the example that you just cited, with his warnings two years ago about Fannie and Freddie--that, that's paramount. That's more than a heck of a lot of other senators and representatives did for us.
COURIC: But he's been in Congress for 26 years. He's been chairman of the powerful Commerce Committee. And he has almost always sided with less regulation, not more.

PALIN: He's also known as the maverick though. Taking shots from his own party, and certainly taking shots from the other party. Trying to get people to understand what he's been talking about--the need to reform government.

COURIC: I'm just going to ask you one more time, not to belabor the point. Specific examples in his 26 years of pushing for more regulation?

PALIN: I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you.
Thanks. We'll be waiting over here....

Bush Is Speaking To America!

Right now! He's on the television. He wants money for people who has tons of monies!

Seriously, though, I'd just like to thank him for not being drunk.

Happy 'Throw The Female George Bush Under The Bus' Day

Wow, this has been an exciting day in politics. John McCain turned out to be a turtle. We hope he comes out of his shell at some point. Had McCain not gone away, these quotes about the Female George Bush may have gotten some notice.

In an interview with CNN today, First Lady Laura Bush said that Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) doesn’t have the foreign policy experience the McCain campaign has been insisting she has.

CNN: Do you think she has the foreign policy experience that everyone’s criticizing her about?

BUSH: Well, obviously — Of course she doesn’t have that. That’s not been her role. But I think she’s a very quick study, and fortunately, John McCain does have that experience.

Obviously. Next up was Karl Rove.

During a speech at the Fraser Institute in Canada last night, a Toronto businessman asked former Bush political adviser Karl Rove “if he thought Sarah Palin would make a good President.”

Last night, he did party spin but said something significant. A Toronto businessman asked him if he thought Sarah Palin would make a good President. “I don’t know,” said Rove.

That sound you hear is a bus not stopping.

Our Future War With Pakistan: Update

More tough talk from one of our government officials today. This time it's Defense Secretary Robert Gates.
Western Pakistan has surpassed Afghanistan and Iraq as the base for al-Qaeda and other Islamist extremist groups that now pose the biggest terrorist threat to the United States, Gates said. "If you ask me today, after the successes that we've had against al-Qaeda in Iraq, where the greatest threat to the homeland lies, I would tell you it's in western Pakistan," he said.
We are so going to war with Pakistan.

It Costs 5k To Make John McCain Look Alive


Remember all the fuss when John Edwards paid $400 for a haircut? Well, he was only cutting his hair, not attempting to make himself look not dead. John McCain, on the other hand, is engaged in a daily battle with his skin and it is not cheap.
The celebrity gossips at US Weekly report the Republican presidential candidate has spent more than $5,500 for a makeup artist better known for her work in Hollywood.
But Barack Obama is a "celebrity!"
The 72-year-old was recently made TV-ready by makeup artist Tifanie White who's worked on So You Think You Can Dance and American Idol. McCain paid the 2002 beauty-school grad $5,583.43 for her services, according to the Federal Election Commission.
Holy shit. He actually got the make-up artist from American Idol. This is priceless.

The Female George Bush Is A Sinner

The National Enquirer is reporting that the Female George Bush had an affair. Sadly, it was with a dude. But, happily, he was married, too.

"No less than three members of the man's family, including one sworn affidavit have claimed that Sarah Palin engaged in an extra marital affair with husband Todd's former business partner, Brad Hanson."
I wonder how the right wing will respond? Will they call the National Equirer a legitimate news source, like they did when the John Edward's affair story broke?
Also, it's worth pointing out that while the Enquirer may or may not be scrupulous in its choice of stories — that's in the eye of the beholder — it is pretty scrupulous about its facts. They win lawsuits. They've broken a host of stories the MSM guys couldn't.
Or will they condemn the Enquirer for attacking sweet Sarah Palin?

Ron Paul Has Endorsed a Theocratic Neofascist

Ron Paul is the gift that keeps on giving. A few days ago, he endorsed Constitution Party candidate Chuck Baldwin for president. Ever heard of the Constitution Party? They kind of want to impose Christian beliefs on all of us in a hardcore fashion. Think The Handmaid's Tale.
"The mission of the Constitution Party is to secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity through the election, at all levels of government, of Constitution Party candidates who will uphold the principles of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States. It is our goal to limit the federal government to its delegated, enumerated, Constitutional functions and to restore American jurisprudence to its original Biblical common-law foundations."
Hey, that doesn't sound to bad right? Wrong. Take a look at the last few words. "Biblical common-law foundations." That is, to put it simply, some fucked up shit.
The Constitution Party gratefully acknowledges the blessing of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as Creator, Preserver and Ruler of the Universe and of these United States. We hereby appeal to Him for mercy, aid, comfort, guidance and the protection of His Providence as we work to restore and preserve these United States.

This great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religions but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For this very reason peoples of other faiths have been and are afforded asylum, prosperity, and freedom of worship here.

The goal of the Constitution Party is to restore American jurisprudence to its Biblical foundations and to limit the federal government to its Constitutional boundaries.
Hey, thanks for not killing people of other religions. Mighty neighborly of you. Too bad it doesn't say anything about gay people, who would be killed or imprisoned under "Biblical foundations."
Biblical law as interpreted by these folks means the death penalty for homosexuals, adulterers, and recalcitrant children.
Way to go, Ron Paul!

Credit Card Company is Amazingly Hip

This little gem appeared on my Facebook page:

Word.

Sep 23, 2008

Thing That Jerry Falwell Made With His Sperm Is Not Helping


Oh my God. There is a Jerry Falwell, Jr. That fat, creepy son of a bitch put his penis inside of a woman and moved it around until baby juice came out. Then it found an egg - and, well, you can probably figure out the rest. Baby Jerry Falwell.

Now Jerry Jr. is trying to swing the state of Virginia to McCain.
The chancellor of Liberty University has an ambitious plan to get the 10,500 students at the evangelical Christian college registered to vote in Virginia, a swing state that could be crucial to victory in the presidential election.

The key, according to Jerry Falwell Jr., is to register Liberty students in Lynchburg, home to the conservative college his late father founded in 1971.

Two-thirds of Liberty students on campus are from out of state, according to the College Board. College students historically vote in small numbers, and some observers point to the hassles of voting absentee as one of the reasons.

Many Virginia elections are decided by margins smaller than Liberty's student population. In 2006, Republican George Allen lost his Senate seat to Democrat Jim Webb by about 9,300 votes.
I hate Jerry Falwell's sperm. A lot.

Limbaugh Changes Obama's Ethnicity


Oh, Rush.
LIMBAUGH: But he’s not black. Do you know he has not one shred of African-American blood? He doesn’t have any African — that’s why when they asked whether he was authentic, whether he’s down for the struggle. He’s Arab. You know, he’s from Africa. He’s from Arab parts of Africa. He’s not — his father was — he’s not African-American. The last thing that he is is African-American.
Perfect. Now you can really make racist jokes because no one cares about them Arabs. Keep up the good work, you four-time divorced, drug addict, millionaire, man of the people.

Fail

Our Coming War With Pakistan Update

Well, this is exciting.
More than any other terrorist attack in this volatile country, the devastating truck bombing of the Marriott Hotel over the weekend has presented government and military leaders here with a stark choice: Go all out against extremists or risk the nation's collapse into chaos.

That is the growing consensus among many Pakistani analysts and commentators, who fear that without rapid, determined and ironfisted action by officials and security forces, this nuclear-armed land is in danger of becoming a failed state, with Islamic radicals in control.
My response is, "well, no shit." That's always been the case with Pakistan. I'm just wondering why we are engaging them on the border, which emboldens the radicals and pushes the populace in their direction. And why is the press suddenly writing about facts that I learned in college.

Press Getting Angry at Female George Bush Treatment

So, McCain's policy of not allowing the press anywhere near the Female George Bush doesn't seem to be working out.

Ms. Palin, the Republican vice-presidential nominee, is scheduled to meet Tuesday in New York with President Hamid Karzai of Afghanistan, President Alvaro Uribe of Colombia, and former Secretary of State Henry A. Kissinger.

But the McCain-Palin campaign’s sharp limitations on coverage of the meetings have sparked a mini-revolt – and a threatened boycott — among the press corps.

The campaign plans to bar print reporters from the meetings, and to limit coverage to brief photo-ops for a still photographer and a television camera. The television stations, though, are objecting, noting that they have a policy of not sending cameras to cover events without a producer, who provided editorial guidance.

A stand-off has ensued, with the networks threatening not to send cameras. The newspapers are trying to get back into the act as well.

It is not uncommon for meetings with world leaders to be pooled, but in the past the McCain campaign has at times allowed print reporters and televisions producers to look in and report any color – or exchange of pleasantries, usually banal – that occurs.

She's too precious to be photographed, obviously.

Second Rape Ad of the Season!

Now we are getting going! First a rape ad in the Oregon Senate race and now a rape ad in the Minnesota Senate race. Weeeeeeeeeee



He WRITES ABOUT rape! Jesus, kill the motherfucker!

Sep 22, 2008

Season Premiere of Heroes

Boo.

Too much, too fast, too hard (trying), too lame (dialogue)

Nothing More To Say

To get in the debating mood, Republican John McCain will host a town-hall event and take a short nap. His rival, Democrat Barack Obama, will work out or shoot hoops.
Old.

They Look Great

McCain Continues To Campaign For President of Train Wreckistan

It's pretty amazing how inept McCain's campaign people are. Today, his top campaign aides held a conference call with reporters to explain why they are not liars. But throughout the call, they kept lying and making asses out of themselves.
But the call was so rife with simple, often inexplicable misstatements of fact that it may have had the opposite effect: to deepen the perception, dangerous to McCain, that he and his aides have little regard for factual accuracy.
God, I love the McCain campaign.
Schmidt criticized the press for the relatively sparse coverage of the fact that one of Biden’s sons, Hunter, is a registered federal lobbyist.

“His son is a lobbyist for the credit card and banking industry,” Schmidt said.
Ah, no.
But Hunter Biden’s lobbying clients don’t include any banks or credit card companies. He did work, as a vice president and then as a consultant, for MBNA, a Delaware-based bank and credit card giant to which Biden had close ties. But he does not appear to have lobbied for the firm.
More, please.
"What we know for sure, and is beyond debate and argumentation is this: Senator Obama said that William Ayers is a guy that lives in his neighborhood. We know that that is a disingenuous and untruthful answer,” Schmidt said.

“Senator Obama began his political career in its early stages raising money at Ayers’ house,” he said.
And, no.
Obama did hold a 1995 campaign event at Ayers’ house. It was not, however, a fundraiser, and Ayers did not contribute money to Obama’s first campaign, according to Illinois records.
More, thanks.
“As soon as Gov. Palin was nominated, one of … Obama’s chief campaign surrogates, [Florida Rep.] Robert Wexler, went out and accused her of being a Nazi sympathizer,” Schmidt said. “Where is the outrage to that aspersion on the part of some of the biggest newspapers in the country?”
Nope.
But Wexler didn’t call Palin a Nazi sympathizer. He called former presidential candidate Pat Buchanan a Nazi sympathizer, and attacked Palin for allegedly having endorsed him.

“John McCain's decision to select a vice presidential running mate that endorsed Pat Buchanan for president in 2000 is a direct affront to all Jewish Americans. Pat Buchanan is a Nazi sympathizer with a uniquely atrocious record on Israel,” Wexler said.
Way to prove you guys are not liars.